Friday, January 06, 2017

A Year of No Yelling Day 6

This sugar withdrawal is brutal. I really had too much sugar in December.

Yesterday started off with Alexa hitting. It really bothers me when she hits because she is so articulate. Her speech is advanced for her age and she communicates exceptionally well. I think that this should mean her behavior should also be advanced, but that's not the case. Just like any 3 year old, she hits when she gets frustrated.  I deal with it by calmly explaining that she needs to use her words.

She kept hitting. At different times during the day she hit her sisters. I did time outs, I explained, I hugged, I lectured. And then, I yelled. Basically, I became frustrated and yelled just like she became frustrated and hit. I have the same maturity as a three year old. Yelling at her made her cry and made me feel terrible. Ash whispered that I wasn't supposed to yell anymore, which made me feel worse.

I apologized to them both, then talked to Alexa about how both of us had made a sad choice. I told her next time I would make a happy choice and hope she would too.

In thinking about writing this blog post, I've thought a lot about what to about Alexa's hitting. She hit her older sister just a few hours after that, so yelling did nothing. As I thought about it, it occurred to me that she just might need more touch. The book Touch talks about how toddlers and preschools can hit each other and themselves simply because they aren't getting touched enough. In the book it talks about a study done by Tiffany Field: "The American parents watched and touched their children less than French parents. The American children played with their parents less, talked with and touched their parents less, and were more aggressive toward their parents than French children. During peer interactions, the American children also showed less touching of their peers, but more grabbing of their pers' toys, more aggression toward peers, and more fussing."

Last night I cuddled with Alexa and rubbed her back. This morning I did it again. I'm hoping consistently giving her small massages and continually giving her positive attention will help curb her hitting. The great thing is that instead of just getting frustrated, I have a plan of attack. We'll see if it works, but just having a plan will help me control my temper.


  1. I'm interested to know if that works at all. I wonder if I would have hit my siblings less if I had been touched more. Hmmmm.

    The more I read about Alexa the more she sounds like Toby. Dun dun dunnnn!!! Poor you.

  2. It is an interesting theory. In the book, it quotes Dr J. H. Prescott who suggests that touch deprivation in childhood leads to physical violence.This is straight from the book: "He reported that most juvenile delinquents and criminals came from neglectful or abusive parents, and he believes that "the deprivation of body touch, contact and movements are the basic causes of a number of emotional disturbances including depressive and autistic behaviors, hyperactivity, sexual aberration, drug abuse, violence and aggression." His theory is that lack of sensory stimulation in childhood leads to an addiction of sensory stimulation in adulthood, resulting in delinquency, drug use, and crime."

    1. I think it's an extreme theory, but it is interesting.


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