Friday, August 22, 2014

We Broker Her Heart. Now She knows We Won't Always Be There For Her. That's Good, Right?

In the very, very early hours of Wednesday morning, Drek decided that all of Alexa's sleeping problems are my fault. His decision was still firm Wednesday night, so he banished me to the front room to sleep on the couch, while he stayed in the bedroom and promised all of Alexa's night-time wakings would be gone in a week. He says his method isn't cry-it out, because Alexa will be a pack-and-play next to his bed and he will occasionally pat her back.

So I pushed the two couches together, snuggled up under a blanket and went to sleep. I slept until two in the morning, when I woke up from a horrible nightmare involving spiders. It was then that it clicked where I was sleeping: on the two couches where, just few months ago, I found several spider nest attached to the bottom. I was sleeping on the very same couch where, two years ago, I almost touched a gigantic wolf spider perched on the cushion. I was sleeping a few feet away from the space on the floor where, last month,  Drek found another gigantic wolf spider, and in tracking him down, found dozens of spider nests in our computer cords.

I am an arachnophobe. Sometimes I pretend I'm not, but at two in the morning, after a nightmare about spiders, my true fears surface and I find myself terrified. I freaked out over tickle, every shadow, every movement. I turned on the light and searched for spiders, sure they were everywhere, just out of sight. I turned the light back off and then hid under my blanket, sure they were sneaking in and crawling over my legs. I tried to sing myself songs to keep my mind from visualizing my nightmare, I tried clearing my head of any thoughts so I could fall asleep. Finally, at around five in the morning, I was able to doze off.

Thursday I was able to clean every inch of the floor, couches and walls with a rag soaked in peppermint oil. I washed my blanket with peppermint oil and will probably bathe in the stuff from now on. Thursday night I slept much better.

Drek reported that Alexa did, too; Which is very good, because after that I can't handle thinking about a tiny baby, all alone in a pack-and-play, thinking there is something very scary in every shadow, in every tickle, in every sound, and crying out for mama to come save her so she can fall asleep safely in her arms, only to have her never come, leaving that tiny baby alone to cry in terror. After going through a night in terror myself, I just can't handle the thought of Alexa going through any of that. She may not be an infant anymore, but at 16 months she's way too small  to get up the next day and clean the pack-and-play with something she knows will keep the scary things away. I guess that's why Drek thinks I am the problem.

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Charity Never Faileth

I've been a Visiting Teacher to a women named Hazel for thee years (A visiting teacher is a calling in my church. As a visiting teacher I am assigned other women to visit every month, see if they or their families need anything, spiritually or temporally,  to pray for them and to leave them with a little spiritual message).  Some months I will drop off a message and a treat at her doorstep, most months I will invite her to a church activity, but I have never met her.  She does not come to church. She does not come to activities. She doesn't really want me coming over to visit her because she is so busy, but she does want a visiting teacher and after I left a few treats and messages on her doorstep for several months in a row, she texted me! We've been exchanging texts ever since.

Saturday we our Stake's July Jubilee, which, as far as I can tell, is our Stake's way of celebrating Pioneer Day. In any case, if you only to one Stake Activity all year, it should be the July Jubilee. Face painting, snowcones, and firetruck rides. Of course I texted Hazel to let her know about the even, and once again invited her to come, and once again repeated that I would love to see her.

IT WORKED! She came. She texted me right as the event started that her family was on its way. Having no idea what she looked I asked a person who did know her (her Home Teacher) to point her out. I didn't have to worry. As sson as she got there she found the bishop's wife and told her she was looking for her visiting teacher who she was so excited to finally meet. The bishop'd wife pointed me out and we finally met! After three years we finally met!

The next day, she texted me that she hoped she would see me at church sometime.

So THERE! Proof that visiting teaching actually works. And proof that if you don't have a testimony of an aspect of the gospel (for example, how for the last ten years I've thought visiting teaching is a waste of time) you simply have to obey, and you'll get a testimony.  Just another real life example of how trusting God is the way to bring yourself and other to happiness. Happiness and face painting, snowcones, and firetruck rides.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Young Women Personal Progress Breakfast

Young Women camp is this week. We met at eight in the morning pack up the cars, start off camp with a short devotional, and make sure the girls were all ready to go. 

I volunteered to be in charge of the breakfast. As Personal Progress Leader, I decided to make it a Personal Progress Young Women Breakfast! We had Young Women Value Parfaits! No cooking, and minimal prep work.


My budget was forty dollars for twelve girls and five leaders. 

Shopping list: 
1 jumbo cantaloupe
2 pineapples
3 baskets of strawberries
3 8oz containers of blueberries
1/2 bag purple seedless grapes
6 kiwis
1 container  Plain Greek Yogurt
1 bear of honey
1 pkg of napkins in each of the eight value colors
1 bag clear cups
1 box clear spoons

Total:= $38 

I also donated 2 gallons of milk (that the girls hardly touched), two jugs of fruit juice, and homemade granola.  

I printed off these value printables and taped them to mason jars.  I then cut up all the fruit and put them in the mason jars: 


I taped the Faith printout to the Yogurt container, and I put the Granola in the Virtue Mason Jar. I tried to think of a way to make Virtue honey instead of granola, but I did not have enough honey to fill a mason jar.  

The girls put the granola on the bottom of their cup, then piled on the fruit and topped it with yogurt and honey. The result was a delicious breakfast parfait in all the value colors! 

My devotional went something like this: 
When Ammon converted the Lamanites to the gospel he converted an entire generation of young women. These women were not born into the church and neither was anyone around them. They had no one more experienced in the Gospel to teach them, no written curriculum to follow. They learned everything by personal obedience, personal scripture study and personal prayer. They internalized the values of the gospel so much it left a lasting impression on their sons. When their homes were threatened, their sons rose up and formed an army of young, inexperienced boys to fight against whole armies of skilled warriors. They volunteered to fight because their mothers taught them that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. Not a single one of these boys were killed in battle, and their army was a major factor in the war. Without them, the war would have been lost and the women's homes would have been destroyed. These women changed their sons, changed a war, and changed the world by truly becoming what the gospel teaches. We need to have that level of personal study. We need to take on the responsibility of our own Gospel education. Only God can teach us how to change the world, and only if we want to learn. That's why Personal Progress is PERSONAL. It's you and God, changing the world.

 The only thing we didn't have enough was the yogurt, but I think two containers would have been too much. We had two gallons of milk left over, most of the juice and only a little bit of each fruit. Of course we had lots of cups and spoons left over. I just packed them in a car heading for camp! The girls will use them before camp is done, I'm sure!

Monday, July 28, 2014

The Universe is Big. It’s Vast and Complicated and Ridiculous. And Sometimes, Very Rarely, Impossible Things Just Happen

On Friday my wonderful, globe-trotting friend came to visit Sunland. Time was short, so we decided to meet at a beach. She picked a beach I had never been to before and we decided to meet there at ten.

Apple maps (curse you Apple Maps! Was there ever a worse map created? Why won't Google Maps work on my phone?!) decided to take me to the wrong beach. Unfortunately, we didn't realize this until after several confusing phone calls. Since I had had already set up camp and had the two children with me, my friend, L, decided to come to me. As I was walking back up to my site to put my phone away, I met the gaze of the women who was camped out next to us. I recognized her immediately.

"K La?" She asked.

"Yolanda?" I answered.

We went to high school together. All the way back in HomeTown. We didn't know each other well, I couldn't even tell you what crowd she ran with, but we had a few classes together and obviously we knew each other well enough to remember names and faces ten years later.

Her family decided to vacation here in Sunland. Friday was their only beach day, and they picked a beach at random. They decided to set up their spot on the beach next to ours, of all the places. It's just so weird.

But her kids played with my kids and once L showed up we all talked and talked and talked.

It's always so good to catch up with L. We met in fourth grade and have been good friends ever since. Sometimes we don't see each other for years, but once we get together again we just pick right back up. It's wonderful.

We invited Yolanda and her family over to our house for dinner. They brought us a yummy desert and we had a wonderful evening talking and watching the kids play. She is the third person from high school I have randomly ran into out here in Sunland. You just don't think that your high school compadres will follow you across states to show on a random beach, but sometimes they do.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Now I know my ABCs

Today we picked up my younger sister from the airport. Because the airport is far away, and her flight was delayed, and we were there early anyway, we found a park in the city within fifteen minutes of the airport and settled down to enjoy the hours until her flight came in.

There was another family at the park. They had a girl Ash's age, a boy just older, and a girl just younger. The three of these adorable and polite children were being watched by an older sister. The three of them played with my two daughters and got along  like every mother's dream. Not just playing together, but laughing together, being nice together and playing fun and happy games together.

Their mother returned to the park and passed out snacks to her kids. While they were picnicking the four year oild girl came over to me and introduced herself. She told be her brother's name and her baby sister's name. She then asked me to guess her older sister's name. I rattled off a few random guesses, but she shook her head.

"I'll give you a clue. It starts with a "sh" sound.  I made a few more guesses. All wrong.

"How about my mom's name? Can you guess my mom's name?"

"What does it start with?"

"Uh, an "s".

"Sue? Sarah? Sally? Samantha?"

"No, it starts with a "S, T"

"Star? Stephanie?"

Esther. Her name is Esther. I discovered, after several minutes of guessing. I suppose that will teach me to play word games with a four-year-old.

I wish we could arrange more playdates with the family. They were idyllic. Sadly the drive is probably way too far. Maybe the next time we find ourselves waiting for hours for a plane to come in we can randomly meet them at the same park. Maybe then I can finally guess the older sister's name.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Sacrament Talk - Obedience

In my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the speakers are called from the congregation. They are usually given a topic and a few weeks to prepare and told a time limit. Usually on Sunday we have three or four speakers in addition to taking the Sacrament.

 I gave a talk today. My topic was a General Conference talk from April 2014 by Elder Robert D Hales entitled  "If Ye Love Me, Keep My Commandments." My time limit was 12-15 minutes.

I am not a public speaker. I enjoyed writing the talk but once I got up on the stand and looked out at all the people in the meeting, my heart raced, I couldn't catch my breath and I started to shake all over. During my talk I kept thinking my legs were going to give out under me, they were shaking so bad. But it's over. Thank goodness. And I suppose it went well. And since I put so much effort into it, I think I'll post it here on my blog:


We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

That is the 3rd Article of Faith. Do we really believe that? Do we really believe that obedience is so critical?

Recently, my curious four year old daughter saw an image of a person drinking from a bottle. She wanted to know what the person was drinking. I answered “alcohol.” She responded: What’s alcohol? Can I have a drink of alcohol?

I pondered her question, not because I didn't know the answer, but because I didn't know how to answer her, a four year old.  How can I answer so that she not only has an understanding of what alcohol is, but why she shouldn't drink it? How do I answer her to give her a testimony of the Word of Wisdom?

Should I tell her the definition of alcohol?  Should explain the chemistry of alcoholic drinks? Should I tell her what happens to a person psychologically when they drink? Do I quote the symptoms of intoxication and alcohol poisoning? Should I warn her of the health ramifications of drinking? Do I try to frighten her with  drunk driving statistics?
Maybe I should stick to the scriptures. But how do I explain Doctrine and Covenants 89 to a four year old?  I would have a hard time explaining “evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days,” in language she can understand.

After reflecting on all of this for a moment, I decided to ignore her first question and simply answer her last question. “No. You may not drink alcohol.”

There is nothing I can say that would give a four year old a complete understanding of alcohol. No amount of explaining will convince her that she should never, ever drink.  I simply cannot give her a testimony of the Word of Wisdom in the short time I can keep her attention. .

Right now she needs to trust me.  She needs to trust that I know more than her about this topic, and that I am doing what is best for her. As time goes on, as she gains more understanding about the word around her,  I can talk with her about the facts, the numbers, and the effects. Once she has a little more life experience, I can explain more about the dangers. Maybe when her frontal lobe is fully developed we can discuss conspiring men in the last days. But none of that will change my final answer. The fact she is not ready for all the data does not change the data. The fact that she doesn't comprehend WHY she shouldn’t drink alcohol does not change the fact that she shouldn’t drink alcohol. She simply needs to trust me. She needs to trust me enough to obey me, and over time, as she learns and grows, she will gain her own understanding and her own testimony.

I know Heavenly Father is thinking the same thing about me. I know he wants to tell me all the answers to my many questions, but there is no way my young and undeveloped mind would be able to comprehend all his knowledge and experience.  I can ask, and he will tell me the answer I can understand, which, more often than not, is to trust him. To trust him enough to obey him, and as I grow, as I learn more, as I gain more experience, he will give me more: more details, more understanding, more testimony, but none of that will change his original answer.

Marjorie Hinckley, wife of Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley, said, “First I obey, then I understand.’”

“Obey” is a difficult word for me. When I hear it, I cringe. I rebel because when I hear the word “obey”  I think of “control.”  When I hear the word “obey” I think of being controlled for the benefit of the person I am obeying. When I obey men, I give up or restrict my agency.  

But With God, that is not the case. With God, obey is not synonymous with control, obey is synonymous with trust.  When I think of “trust” I think of following in faith for the benefit of me.  I know that trusting God is a choice. God gave us agency  so we can chose to trust him. When we choose to obey (or trust) God, we are choosing to keep our agency.

Do we trust God? God is the father of our spirits. He built our bodies. He created the world around us: everything from the oceans, to the food, to the stars. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our potential and how we can reach it.. He knows when someone means us harm, or when someone needs help.

Moses 1:39 tells us why and what God does:  For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

His intentions are pure. He wants what is best for us. He has the knowledge and experience to KNOW what is best for us.  So do we trust him?

If we trust him, we will do what he asks of us. He is telling us what to do not for his benefit, but for ours. He is not trying to control us, he is trying to bring to pass our eternal life.

Elder Robert D Hales gave a talk in this last conference entitled: “If Ye Love Me, Keep My Commandments”  In is he says quote: We must not practice “natural man’s obedience,” in which we disobediently reject God’s law in favor of our wisdom or our desires or even popularity.  end quote
This is not trusting in God. If we fully trust him, how can we ever chose to follow our own desires above his? How can we ever chose to obey a man over God the Father?

Elder Hales continues quote: At times members may participate in “selective obedience,” claiming to love God and honor God while picking and choosing which of His commandments and teachings—and the teachings and counsel of His prophets—they will fully follow. Some obey selectively because they cannot perceive all the reasons for a commandment, just as children do not always understand the reasons for their parents’ counsel and rules. End quote

This is not trust. Trust is turning our lives over to Heavenly Father. Trust is asking him to make us an instrument in his hands. Trust is following all his laws and all his commandments. Trust is seeking for personal revelation and following his promptings.

Back to Elder Hales: To rationalize disobedience does not change spiritual law or its consequences but leads to confusion, instability, wandering in strange paths, being lost, and grief. As disciples of Christ, we have a sacred obligation to uphold His laws and commandments and the covenants which we take upon ourselves

Using our agency to obey means choosing to “do what is right [and letting] the consequence follow.” It requires self-mastery and brings confidence, eternal happiness, and a sense of fulfillment to us and, by example, to those around us; and it always includes a deep personal commitment to sustain priesthood leaders and follow their teachings and counsel.

To summarize the consequences of obeying (or trusting) God are:  confidence, eternal happiness, and a sense of fulfillment to us and those around us.
Disobedience leads to  confusion, instability, wandering in strange paths, being lost, and grief.

I assume that is why God counsels us in the first place. He gives us laws  and commandments to protect us from unnecessary confusion, instability, wandering in strange paths, being lost, and grief. and to ensure we find confidence, happiness, and a sense of fulfillment in this life.  As Elder Hales points out, God’s commandments...were given for our good

The very act of obeying is a learning experience. The more me obey, the more we understand.

In the Book of Mormon, Sariah is an amazing example of trusting God.

Sariah is married to Lehi, a prophet. Lehi has a vision and tells his family they all need to leave Jerusalem. Sariah did not have this vision. She does not have all the knowledge of the history and reasons why Jerusalem will be destroyed. She does not know where she and her family will go after they leave their house and all their material possessions, but she obeys, She trusts God is telling them to do this for their own good. She loves God, so she chooses to obey Him. She leaves everything behind  and sets out into the desert.
While in the desert, away from all the comforts of home, Lehi announces that her four sons need to return to Jerusalem to get the Brass Plates from a very dangerous and wicked man. Sariah does not understand all the reasons why they need those scriptures. All she knows is that she trusts God knows what is best for her sons, so she chooses  to obey.

In 1st Nephi chapter 5 we read Sariah truly mourned because of us (meaning her sons). 2 For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.

What an example of faith! After choosing to give up her home, her possessions, her comforts and now her sons, Sariah still trusts God. Her doubts are in Lehi - She has no doubt God, In October 2013 Elder Uchtdorf gave a talk in General Conference in which he says quote:   I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes. This is the way it has always been and will be until the perfect day when Christ Himself reigns personally upon the earth. End quote. Sariah knows this. Her trust in God is strong enough that when her doubts surface  she directs it the imperfect people in God’s church.
In response to her doubts, Lehi comforts her and bears his testimony to her.  In 1st Nephi we read:

"And when we had returned to the tent of my father, behold their joy was full, and my mother was comforted. And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak."

It isn't until her sons return alive, safe, and with the scriptures, that Sariah gains a witness for herself that God gave her husband the revelation. Until this point, she's been acting completely in faith! She didn’t have all the knowledge, she didn’t have a personal witness, but she trusted God and obeyed. Because she obeyed she was blessed with a testimony. She continues to obey God: She has two more sons in the wilderness, she gets on a boat built by her sons, and she sails across the sea to an unknown land where she helps build a new nation.  I’m sure after many, many years, she finally understood the importance of having the Brass Plates. Her knowledge and her testimony came after her obedience.

Elder Uchtdorf continues:  It’s natural to have questions—the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters—my dear friends—please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Going back to Elder Hales talk, he says:

In the premortal Council in Heaven, Lucifer rebelled against Heavenly Father’s plan. Those who followed Lucifer ended their eternal progression—be careful who you follow!

Did Lucifer and his followers understand the consequences of choosing to reject Heavenly Father’s plan? If so, why did they make such a terrible choice? We might ask ourselves a similar question: why do any of us choose to be disobedient when we know the eternal consequences of sin? The scriptures provide an answer: the reason Cain and some of the children of Adam and Eve chose to disobey is because “they loved Satan more than God.

Do we? Do we love Satan more than God? Do we trust Satan more than God? We need to make sure our actions align with our answers. We need to understand that with every choice we make we are obeying, it is just a question of obeying God or Satan. When we say we don’t want to follow a God’s counsel, we are choosing instead to obey Satan. We are saying we trust Satan, who is trying to control and manipulate us for his own purposes, over God, who is trying to counsel us to bring to pass our eternal happiness. We are saying we love Satan more than God.

Elder Hales continues:
Spiritually mature obedience is “the Savior’s obedience.” It is motivated by true love for Heavenly Father and His Son.  Our love of the Savior is the key to Savior-like obedience.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, trusted our Heavenly Father. In the Premortal life he said: “Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever. This was his commitment to obey God. Throughout His ministry, “he suffered temptations but gave [them] no heed.” Indeed, “he [learned] obedience by the things which he suffered.”

He was baptized, even though reason suggested that he had no need to be baptized because he had no sins. However, he trusted God more than he trusted reason. He loved God, and so, he obeyed the commandment to be baptized.

When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed three times to His Father in Heaven, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” Again, he trusted God more than himself. He trusted that obeying God in this way would be for his benefit, as well as ours. He trusted God was asking him to go through this pain for both his and our eternal happiness. He trusted God. He loved God, and so, he obeyed God.

Elder Hales says quote:
Because our Savior was obedient, He atoned for our sins, making possible our resurrection and preparing the way for us to return to our Heavenly Father. When we obey, we accept His sacrifice, for we believe that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws, ordinances, and commandments given in the gospel.  

Brothers and sisters, I bear my testimony that God loves us. Everything he asks us to do is for our good. Trusting in him brings happiness into our lives and into our families. It’s okay that we don’t have to have all the answers right now, we don’t need the answers, we only need trust. The answers will come in time.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

You Ready to Get Down, You Funky Party Weasel?

Some of the women in my ward organize an informal beach day every week during the summer. We show up sometime in the morning at the designated beach and eventually other families show up as well.  The kids share beach toys and the adults share beach umbrellas, beach tents and the occasional sunblock. My girls and I began attending about midway through the summer last year and eventually it got easier. This year I was so looking forward to summer just because of the beach day. Every week I get to talk with wonderful people while our children play happily in the sand, the waves, and sometimes charcoal from long ago beach fires.  It's always mess. There is just no way to keep the sand from getting into EVERYTHING, someone usually gets a sunburn, but it is so worth it.

This week one of the regular attendees was having a birthday. A friend and I planned to surprise her at beach day: She'd do the cupcakes, I'd bring the candles. The day before other people wanted to pitch in as well, so I brought the candles and the lighter, another person brought the cupcakes, another one brought frosting and another one brought little treats for the kids, since there are always hordes of children at the beach but only twenty-four cupcakes.

Everyone in charge of bringing something showed up a little early to make sure it was all there and ready to go. It was so well organized. 

Except we forgot to make sure the birthday girl was coming. Maybe too much of a surprise party? 

And hour and a half in the birthday girl was sent a text, quizzing her about her arrival at beach day. She responded she had piles of laundry to do and decided it would be more responsible to do it instead of spending all day lounging on a beach. Another text was sent implying her cupcakes would be eaten without her. She responded she had no idea anything had been planned and that she was on her way! 

So yeah, maybe we were a little too secretive on the planning of the surprise party. Suddenly I see the value of that person who is assigned to make sure the birthday person arrives at the surprise party. I'll have to remember that for future events.