Wednesday, January 11, 2017

A Year of No Yelling Day 11

Today was a miserable, miserable day.

Tabs is not sleeping. For the past several nights she wakes up about midnight and goes back to sleep, but then wakes up at 2 and does not go back to sleep.

At 3am I lost all patience with her. I yelled, I name called. Drek came in and took for the rest of the night.

In the morning I woke up depressed. I'm so dead tired. I'm frustrated that I'm STILL going through sugar withdrawals. I know that usually it takes two weeks to go through sugar withdrawals, but last time it only took me 8 days, so I'm very impatient.

I was upset that I yelled at a baby. I was upset that I'm not getting any better at not yelling, and in fact, getting worse. I felt like my goal of not yelling was an impossible task that I had given myself to torture myself. I had no hope, and no desire to even try.

I yelled a lot today. It wasn't angry yelling, or lost-my-temper yelling, just yelling to get a point across, yelling to end the conversation, yelling for the sake of yelling.

A total fail.

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