About five years ago, or is it six? How old am I? Too old. Anyway. A while ago, in March, I decided my life...well, sucked. I was miserable. I wasn't doing what I wanted to be doing and when I asked myself what I wanted to be doing in five or six years, I could clearly see that my life was not headed in that direction. What did I want? I wanted to be married to a great guy who loved me. I wanted a baby I could sing to sleep with Primary hymns and lullabies. I wanted to have peace. I wanted to have hope. I wanted to find happiness.
So I changed. I changed a lot. I cut off ties, I made new ones, I dropped bad habits and tried to start new, better ones. A big part of that change was to go back to church, a place I had not been in a year. I needed directions on how to get where I wanted to be, and I thought going to church could help. I remember how tough that first year was. I wasn't sure of myself, I had a very, very hard time sitting through church meetings and I spent a lot of time trying to distract myself. But I kept at it. I healed a lot. I changed a lot. I grew a lot. Church did help. The gospel gave me those directions, encouraged me, helped me, guided me. Somewhere along the line I could actually sit through three hours of church meetings. Somewhere along the line I started wanting to go to church.
And then, today, as I sat in Sacrament meeting with my awesome, super-good-looking husband who loves me and my beautiful, perfect little baby whom I sing to sleep at night with lullabies and Primary hymns, I realized something: Oh my gosh, I made it. I'm here. This is what I wanted all those years ago. I wanted to sit here, just like I am, and want to be in church. I wanted to listen to the speaker and be blown away by the peace, love and happiness I felt. I wanted to feel the spirit so strong that I knew, without a doubt, that God loves me, personally. The speaker today gave such an amazing talk, And yet, I'm not sure if it was that his talk was really that awesome, or if I was just finally ready.
I can't even express how grateful I am for what I have. I can't begin to express how much I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can't begin to tell you how much peace, hope, love and true happiness it has brought me. It is amazing. A true miracle.
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