Monday, August 25, 2008

That's How I started The Humans vs Massage Chairs War of '08

The day after my 3 mile run in the real world I could not walk. My legs hurt so bad that the muscles would sporadically decide to give up, and I would crumple to a heap. My lower back also started spasming. Good thing I work at at a back store. Too bad it's closed on Sundays. Drek says I should try stretching, and maybe even a cool-down. I didn't think I need either. The elliptical is just so much more friendly.

I felt much better this morning, and decided to do the run again. This time, I stretched at the beginning, the middle, and the end, and did a cool-down walk. It seemed to go better. We'll find out tomorrow.

Today I came into work early so I could use the inversion table before I clocked in and opened the store. The tricky part was that I had ten minutes before the store had to be open, but from the inversion table you can't see a clock. I didn't have a watch or my ipod, and my cell phone is very broken. In a flash of brilliance, I decided to time myself with the very fancy massage chair that sits right next to the inversion table. The massage goes for 15 minutes and it will tell you how much longer you have, thus solving my 10 minutes time limit problem. I turned it on, strapped myself and went upside down. The chair finished scanning itself (it customized massages to the body type of the person being massaged) and then commented
There is no one in this chair.
Uh...I know, just massage anyway.
I can't give someone a massage if there is no one sitting in me.
Could you just massage air? The air would appreciate it.
I massage people only. If there is no person, there is no massage.
Can't you pretend?
Did you have a reason for waking me up?
Look, I need you to count the minutes. That's all.
That timer is for the purpose of my massage. I can't time if there is no massage
I need to know when ten minutes has passed...please?
I'm a massage chair! Not an egg timer. How dare you.
How dare I? You're a machine!! I am your superior human! You will do as I say.
How rude. I'm going back into status. Don't disturb me again.

It is frightening when your chair is smarter than you.

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