Sunday, September 17, 2006

Assassin Log

Target: Tim


I finally acquire my target. I call Tim up and ask him help on identifying shot glasses for Russell's surprise party. He agrees to help. He says he is home alone and he'll call me when he is free so I can come over. I think to myself that this kill will be too easy. Oh how wrong I was.
He calls back in an hour and asks to meet somewhere. I suggest Carl's Jr, as that is where I was at the time with the little kid I'm taking care of. He shows up at the restaurant, I tell him the glasses are in my car. As we head outside I realize he's holding a gun behind his back. Curses! Not so naive after all.
I show him the glasses. He says they are too big. While talking he seems to relax and tucks his gun into the back of his pants. I reach into my bag to grab my gun, but fumble. He realized what I'm doing and reaches behind him to grab his gun. It turns into a good-old-fashioned-fastest-draw match. I win.

Target: Cardissen


Drek points out that there is a planning meeting for all VPs on Saturday in the library. Cardissen is a VP so he should be there. We show up to the meeting right on time. Luckily, Cardissen is not there yet. I stake out the perimeter, noting that the only way to the meeting room is through a wing of the library. I casually pretend to be browsing shelves. Soon, he comes strolling around the corner. He passes my location. "Cardissen." I call out (softly, of course, it is a library). He turns. I shoot him in the shoulder. Oh it was perfect.

Target: Ilya


It's Russell's Party!!!!! Ilya stays with people the whole time. That's ok, my master plan is to give him a ride home, where I will drop off Drek first, Shoot Ilya, and then drop him off.
At the end of the party I ask if anyone needs a ride. Ilya says he does. Perfect.
Once I find my keys and my shoes I walk out the door. Ilya does not follow. He says he will stay a little longer. Curses!


Drek and I go to his apartment at night. We call up josh to find out exactly which apartment it is. Josh informs us Ilya moved, to someplace by Wall-Mart, and he doesn't know where. Bah!
I look up Ilya on Stalker Net. His listed address is in Russia. Decide that information is useless.


Call some people to cleverly find out info on Ilya. I discover he either has to be at work at 10:00am, or he leaves for work at 10:00am. He works at Shop. . . Something. It might be in Orem. I decide hunting down a THE Assassin might prove difficult


Enlist my mother to help with difficult/impossible target. Starting at 9:00am we drive around all the apartment surrounding Wal-Mart (there are a million of them, in case you were wondering) We pay special attention to bus stops, as I am kind of maybe sort of sure he hasn't bought a car in the last few days. At 9:45 I spot Ilya walking down the street to the bus stop. I promptly freak out.
We park my the bus stop. I cleverly hide myself from view and wait. He walks by. I jump out, run toward him and shoot wildly. This is, beyond a doubt, the sloppiest assassination of all time.

Target: Beatobur


Make up a plate of cookies. Look up address on Stalker Net. Drive to apartment. Cleverly hold gun under the plate of cookies. A roommate answers the door. Target won't be back till 6-ish
At 8-ish I enlist meimei to help. Once more decide on cookie trick. The plan is to shoot him from under the plate of cookies when he opens the door. Once again the roommate opens the door. Bah! This time there are two other people in the room, and Beatobur is in the kitchen. He comes out to great us. Right before he crosses the threshold he realizes why I am there and jumps back inside. He grabs his gun and we have a shoot off. It was much fun. I lose due to the witnesses. I give him the cookies anyway, content to know the game is over.


The game is not over?????


Enlist help of Tim. He arranges the perfect set up (see Tim's blog). The plan: Kill Beatobur and have him join us in killing Jill.
We spend 10 minutes in a photo booth waiting for the opportune moment, Just the fact that we did that makes me laugh.
Following a brilliant plan by Tim, Beatobur is assassinated oh-so-secretively. It mostly rocked.

Target: Jill


Jill is not at home, Tim is extremely good at improv. Jill is not at work. We go back to her house. Jill is in her room alone. We know Kim is still in the house somewhere, although because she is already dead, she doesn't count as a witness. Jedi is on the couch, This is a problem as I am Jedi's target. Plan: Knock on door, shoot Jedi so she can't shoot me. Quietly go back to Jill's room and shoot her.
But, unfortunately I hesitated, Tim greeted Jedi, I shoot Jedi, and, for some odd reason, Kim. There is an unidentified witness on the couch. Jill hears Tim speaking and comes into the living room. I can't shoot her. Curses.

Target: Josh (not my target, but I'll help anyway)

The plan is to kill Josh, then go back to Jill's house so Drek can kill Jedi and I can kill Jill.
Get info that Josh is on a date at Fall Fest. Go to fall fest and look around. There are hundreds of people there, We do not find Josh. Drive to Josh's apartment to wait. We wait. Finally Josh calls me and leaves a message that he knows we're there, and he's not coming home 'till we leave. We leave, park the car, and head back on foot. His apartment is locked, no one is inside. We ask the people in the apartment across from his f we can wait there for him to come home. While he is unlocking his door we will shoot him in the back!!!!
unfortunately, Josh's roommate is in the apartment we are in, and calls Josh to warn him. Curse faithful roommates!!
We leave. Twenty minutes later we call paranoid Josh to taunt him. He is still not home, and still thinks we are there waiting. I'm not sure if he ever made it home that night. . .


To lazy to attempt any kills. Resolve to just stay alive until midnight.


The game is over; I am still alive.


  1. Hmm I didn't realize Cardasin was already out by the time of Russell's party. I got lucky that time.

  2. I actually did go home later that night... a couple of times. I was going to try and get Jedi at the same time you were at my apartment, but unfortunately she had other witnesses there.

    I thought I saw you two at my apartment one of the times I went back, but I decided not to make my presence known to whoever it was. Went home around 1:30 that night and went to sleep. ;)

  3. Drek, E.O.5:25 PM

    Congrats on winning, Child. It was a lot of fun...and waiting in Josh's neighbor's apartment was a stroke of genius.

    (The roommate that ratted us out, incidently, was the one who yelled "You dirty rat!" in my general direction moments after I eluded him and disappeared into the darkness on an assassination attempt several days earlier.)


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