Monday, March 10, 2014

We got the Loot, Didn't We? Then I Call It a Win. What's the Problem? Should I Start with the Part Where You're Stranded in the Middle of Nowhere or the Part Where You Have No Clothes?

I'm going to warn you right now: This story contains brief nudity. That was a spoiler, but I think it needed to be said.

We stayed in a one bedroom suite. The front room included a little kitchenette that had a microwave, a stove with two burners, a kitchen sink and a full size fridge. Halfway through our trip to Fredericksburg I discovered my hotel had a free "stock my fridge" service where you give them a shopping list by eight in the morning and by five in the afternoon the items would magically show up in your fridge/cupboard. Since I had to take the bus to the closest store, I was delighted.

 I handed my grocery list over to the appointed person by the appointed time, then gathered up my kids and went out for the day. I like to be gone when room service shows up, and I wanted to be gone when the delivery person came to deliver my groceries. We got back to the hotel at noon. I glanced in the fridge; our food and not yet arrived. Thinking they would show up soon and not wanting to be there when they did, we changed into our swimsuits and headed down to the hotel pool. After two hours it was time for Alexa's nap. Back in our room I was disappointed to see the groceries were still undelivered. I put the sign on the door that said to go away, realizing that I would probably have to pick up the groceries myself  from the front desk. But at least I wouldn't have to take a bus to get there! 

We showered all together, taking off our wet swimsuits and washing off the chlorine.  I left Ash in the bath and took Alexa to get her into some clothes. I sang to her as I carried her from the bathroom to the bed. The door to the front room was wide open and I walked right in front of it. . . yeah, you see where this is going. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, jumped behind the wall and maybe even let out a squeal. I looked out into the front room in time to see the delivery woman jumping out the front door in no less of a hurry. She may have also let out a squeal. She poked her head back in: "Sorry! I'm so sorry!" and the quickly disappeared.

After she left I rushed into the front room, carrying my naked baby in front of me as some sort or pathetic shield, and locked the door, wondering why I hadn't done that in the first place. I had a flash of anger. I put the sign on the door! Wasn't that enough? Don't they knock before coming in? And then I started to giggle. That poor women. Not only was she subjected to the pure view of my fluffiness. She also must have heard me singing. What an assault on her senses.

But my fridge was stocked! She had put the frozen groceries in the freezer, the milk in the fridge and even put the Cheerios in the cupboard.

I decided to leave her a big tip by way of apology. Just how much of a tip was standard for such a situation?

Half an hour later, just as Alexa was drifting off to sleep, the hotel phone rang.

"This is the the manager of the hotel. I just wanted to personally call and apologize for the...the incident."  She paused, not sure if she was being too discrete. "The incident that took place a half hour ago."

"My staff member realized you had the sign on the door, but she wanted to get the perishables but away and she didn't know anyone was home. She shouldn't have gone in, and I apologize, but she wanted to get those groceries in the freezer. She didn't realize you were home until... well, until the incident. I just wanted to apologize and let you know that all those groceries are on us today. There will be no charge for the groceries and I hope you accept out sincerest apologies."

Which ended the deliberations of how much I should tip. I didn't try the "stock my fridge" service again, but I did lock my door for the rest of the week whenever we were done with the pool.


  1. This is the best story I have ever read. Ever. You have won the Internet, potatoface.

    I spit my cookie halfway across the room. You owe me a clean kitchen now.

    BAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA PS please do not try anything like this on The Amazing Race, or we will get kicked off.

  2. Wait, free food and you didn't try it again?

    Aren't you glad it was a woman and not a man delivering? Ha Ha, I bet she was more embarrassed than you! I'm surprised she informed the manager. Most people would be very quiet and hope you didn't say anything. Sounds rather unsettling, altogether. So not only did she see you, but the manager and who knows how many of the staff know about it now! But if you had complained, she would've been caught out for not telling it...awkward all the way around.

    When I was on a cruise, bunking (berthing?) with two sisters, they started getting ready for formal night early, and when they heard a knock on the door, they thought I'd forgotten my key and said, "come in." I came down the hall just in time to see the male room steward closing the door and laughing very hard. He saw me and cracked up even more, saying "Your sisters are waiting for you" before he took off down the hall. I opened the door to giggly, undressed, red-faced sisters!

    Could be worse...But if I tell you the other story, it's TMI. Good idea not only to lock the door, but put the little extra lock on if it has one.

  3. Also, you held the poor baby in front of you like a shield?! Some parent you are! What if Grocery Stocker had been some kind of Mass Murderer person! You're like, OFFERING your baby to Mass Murderer. Tsk tsk tsk.

    That poor Grocery Stocker. Stalker. Hehee. That poor, poor Grocery Stalker. She's scarred for life now. I mean, can you imagine? Next time she goes to put groceries in someone's fridge, she's going to be quivering with terror. "What if someone else jumps out at me stark naked?! Is that singing I hear? Nooooo!!!"

    This is the best day of my whole life.

  4. Looks like "BAAAAHAHAHAHA" has been taken, so I'm gonna go with

    giggle giggle

    That is awesome. I hope you tell this story to anyone and everyone because if I was that hotel lady I would. That's the kind of story that just gets better for the telling.


If, in your comment, you do not use code names as I do in my blog, I will edit your comment before I post it.