A Year of No Yelling Day 31 Featuring Hair Bands, Looking for the Good, and Positive Reinforcement.

Another day with no yelling! I think I am improving!

I read about the rubber band method of parenting and today I wore several hair bands on my wrist. I looked for Alexis and Ash doing good. Whenever I observed them listening, playing well together, cleaning up a mess, serving others, saying something nice...any act that is good, I praised them. The ideas is positive reinforcement.  Whenever I praised them, I moved a hair band to the other wrist. My task was to get all the hair bands to my other wrist.

This is positive reinforcement for the children, which has been shown to be a powerful learning tool. This is also me looking for the good in my kids. When I look for good, I see good! I focus on the good and suddenly my outlook is positive and optimistic instead of stuck in a hole.

I completed my task: it was actually quite easy to find my children doing good. My kids really are great kids. I liked doing this today. I will try again tomorrow!

A Year of No Yelling Day 30 Featuring Sleeping Myths and Relationships

Tabs is seventeen months old today.

I think "children sleeping through the night" is a myth. Does ANYONE have children that sleep through the night every night?  Sometimes we might go a few days 2/3 of our kids sleeping through the night. Maybe even a whole week. But even our seven year old has nightmares and turns on her light at 1am to read for a few hours.

Thanks to Drek taking Tabs at night, she no longer wakes up at 2 am thinking it's morning. She sleeps for several long hours, waking at 3, or sometimes even 4am. She cries to be fed, but Drek won't give her to me (and I won't take her) until 5am. Sometimes she cried continually, sometimes she dozes for twenty minutes before crying sessions.

One time she slept until 6am. How do we get that again?

But today went well despite the lack of a solid block of sleep. I'm focusing on relationships: everyday I try to do something to build a relationship with each member of my family. Today they were small things: A back rub, a short but sweet conversation, lots of kisses and snuggles. The more they feel I love them, the better they will listen to me and the more I will hesitate to yell. That's the theory anyway.

A Year of No Yelling Day 29 Featuring Questions

My kids are really great kids. They are creative, intelligent, funny and endlessly entertaining. They all love to learn and want to experience life to the fullest. I am so grateful for them and the joy they bring me.

I had a short tempter today. I don't think I yelled, but sometimes I am confused as to what counts as yelling. I did raise my voice, but that was to talk over loud commotion, not in anger. I did lose my temper a few times, but instead of yelling I threw a small tantrum, does that count?

Sometimes in my mind I conjure up mother who never raises her voice above a certain decibel and has perfect self control. She is always acts warmly and considered the lesson that needs taught over the incessant situation. Sometimes I wasn't to be that mother, and other times I question soberness of that women - is she chronically on pot?

Does living a life with no yelling equal a life without passion?

A Year of No Yelling Day 28 Featuring Some Eerie Foreshadowing

Some days you just can't yell, so you laugh instead.

I'm running on little sleep and frustration that my no-sugar efforts have thus far gone unrewarded. Where is my mental clarity? Where is my extra energy? Where is my memory? I've bee depriving myself of brownies and ice cream for twenty eight days now, I better see some increased patience, dangit!

Today was a super busy day with a big family trip. Those always seem like such good ideas in theory, but when you finally finish and get back in the car you wonder if all those wonderful childhood memories are really worth all the effort. Still, the kids did have fun and I got a lot of pictures, so we'll call it was a memory building experience for the kids and a character building experience for parents.

We drove the hour back and stopped at the church. Inside the bathroom we changed into church clothes and attended a baptism. Drek wrote about the event later:

Our daughter managed to get her head stuck in a chair for a couple minutes, but the speaker pretended not to notice and bravely soldiered on with his talk while I yanked on my daughter's head and my wife pulled on the chair. We finally managed to extract her head from the chair and the baptism proceeded as planned. My memories from my own mission are that Satan really comes down hard as a baptism approaches, but that was just petty. We'll see if  [the man getting baptized] is still friends with us this afternoon. Ironically, mere hours earlier, my wife had been describing a scene from "Waiting for Snow in Havana" where the author also got his head stuck in a pew when he was a little boy, during their Catholic mass. It's nice to see that public embarrassment spans all religions and ethnicities and is one more thing we have in common.

A Year of No Yelling Day 27 Featuring a Girl Scout trip, a Grocery Shopping Adventure, and a Potluck Dance Party

I'm considering today one giant leap forward.

First off, it was a stressful day from sunrise to well after sunset. A lot needed to get done and the schedule was packed.

Second, I had children coming out of my ears today. Today was a Girl Scout field trip so in addition to my three, I had nine extra children, all of which seem to have ten times the energy I have with have the attention span.  At one point with the Girl Scouts I became frustrated but instead of yelling my voice dropped to a whisper. I didn't even have to think about it before hand, it was just a reaction. THAT IS HUGE!!

After Girl Scouts ended I spent several hours babysitting more children while I still had things to accomplish, including grocery shopping. While grocery shopping with five small children I was not only able to get a chaotic and disruptive situation under control quickly, I did it by explaining my expectations in a whisper. The kids responded so well that I bought them cheetos as a reward. Not as a bribe, or as a way to control them, but because not only met but also exceeded the expectations I laid out for them and I wanted to spontaneously reward good behavior.

Third, it was a really late night. We had a church potluck and dance party and stayed there dancing until a full hour past the children's bedtime. By the time we got them in the car, two out of three were crying. Drek and I chose to see the humour, and joined in the cacophony, encouraging our oldest to contribute. We all howled in harmony. The family that cries together . . . um, avoids yelling?

A Year of No Yelling Day 26 Featuring Bendable Cards and Snap Reactions

After picking up Ash from school today I took all three girls grocery shopping. In anticipation of this always stressful event (kids and grocery shopping do not mix well) I gave myself a pep-talks and announced more than once that Today Is A No Yelling Day.

After getting all three kids out of the car and into the cart I made sure I had my card, which Alexa immediately asked to hold. I handed it to her, she took it, then bent it in half.

"NO!" I yelled, snatching it away. Sigh. Deep breathe. "Alexa, I'm sorry I yelled. I was afraid the card would break. If the card breaks, we can't get food today. Please don't bed cards."

Alexa nodded. I reached back in the car and grabbed another card, which is one of those useless reward cards from random business that I seem to accumulate despite my efforts to the contrary. "This one you can keep." I said.

Happy child, lesson learned, disaster averted. So how to I get my snap reactions to align with my goals?

A Year of No Yelling Day 25 Featuring Lunar New Year, Lion Dancers, and Librarians

I made it another day without yelling, but I did lose a child today.

We went to a Lunar New Year celebration at a library. It was an awesome event that ended in the Chinese New Year Lions coming in and dancing. The kids loved it and so did I.

Space was limited. All the chairs were claimed, so the kids were sitting on the floor in front to see. I sat with Alexa for a while, but then was told to move to make room for the lion dancers. I put Alexa in a good spot, then moved to the side so I could watch the dace. A few minutes later I saw a librarian approach Drek, and both of them moved quickly to the back.

I knew exactly what had happened. I jumped up and followed them back to a tearful Alexa, who had gone looking for me and ended up lost and crying, only to be found by a kind mother who brought her to the librarian. Thankfully, the librarian associated Drek with Alexa and was able to find him.

So, a successful day at goal keeping, not so successful in parenting.

A Year of No Yelling Day 24 Featuring Baby Poop

I was successful today! No yelling and I spent some quality time with each of my wonderful kids.

Tabs is just starting out with potty training and today we had a poopy accident. I took her to the tub and washed off her little bum-bum. Alexa came to see what I was doing and gasped.

"Mama! You are touching baby poop!"

"Yep. I'm cleaning Tabs up."

"But you are TOUCHING the baby poop."

"Yep."

"Why?"

I sighed. "Because that's what's mama's do."

"Mama's touch baby poop?!" And she broke into laughter which ended in her chanting "Mama's touch baby poop, Mama's touch baby poop." Over and over around the house.

What has led me this to this? Sigh.

A Year of No Yelling Day 23 Featuring the All Knowing Glenda The Good Witch and Choose Love

I had a great start to the day. I woke up after sleeping all night (!) and had energy. I'm almost recovered from my sickness. I can face the day!

I started out by announcing aloud today would be ano-yelling, no-sugar day. This is when I noticed my voice was half-gone. Huh. A horse voice might make yelling difficult. How promising.

Next, I snuggled with Alexa. I gave her a back rub and lots of kisses. I held Ash's hand during family scriptures.

After Ash was off to school, Drek was off to work and Tabs was down for her nap Alexa and I played "Wizard of Oz", her favorite game. She was Glenda, I was Dorothy.  In the middle of it she announced to me "I know ALL, Mama. The whole world. I know all. She might have been in character, but I don't think so.

Several stressful situation arose today, but I am happy to report I whispered through every one of them. I thought, for one exciting second, that whispering instead of yelling was becoming a habit, but then I realized it was more likely that my horse voice just makes is seem that way.

So whispering might not be a habit yet, but I'll get there. I did use every situation today as a teaching moment, and I am proud of myself. I did some good parenting today.

I'm ever more proud of myself because at about noon, I was hit with depression. Not sure why, but there it was. I still kept my cool and had some great teaching moments.

I came across this article with steps to take when trying to stop the habit of yelling. There were two steps I really loved: The first one is "Realize that your #1 job as a parent (after safety) is to manage your own emotions."
That struck truth with me. I really think that if I can manage my own emotions and can communicate clearly and effectively that my kids will too just because kids are such good mimics.

The second one is "Find your own wisdom. . . . imagine there's an angel on your shoulder who sees things objectively and wants what's best for everyone in the situation. This is your own personal parenting coach. What does she say? Can she give you a mantra to see things differently, like:  "Choose love.""

I love it. "Choose love." I'm going to make that my mantra.

A Year of No Yelling Day 22 Featuring Shoes

Today I am recovering from my sickness. I felt better today but wanted to rest. I spent all day in my pajamas.

 I realize that because this blog is about me yelling I'm only sharing negative experiences with my children. The whole picture would show that my kids are awesome people. This morning I had a chance to hang out with my two oldest daughters. They are smart, funny and I love being around them.

In the afternoon Drek took the two oldest to church while Tabs and I stayed home. Tabs was all over me today. She wanted to be on my lap touching me all day. It was a lot, but we got through it. We played a few games and i taught her the sign for "shoes".

We had a delightful dinner and some behavioral issues after dinner, but I remained calm and loving and everything went great. A successful day. Too bad all days can't be pajama days.

A Year of No Yelling Day 21 Featuring Our Local Women's March

Yeah, this is pneumonia.

But who has time for recovery? Drek took the kids this morning while I got in an morning nap. As soon as they came home I dressed the girls as warmly as I could and we all hopped back in the car to attend the our local Million Women March.

It was awesome. Although I agreed with the values of the organizers, I was afraid the actual people would turn it into an angry protest. That morning Drek and I reconsidered attending because the news was reporting as an Anti-Trump march, which was not our intention. However, after thinking back to what I knew of the early women's movement I came to the conclusion that it has never been completely unified, and that everyone there would have their own reasons for being there, that everyone would have different issues, and that is ok. Women are people. People are all different, unique and beautiful. It would be just fine if I didn't agree with everyone there, just as long as everyone there has a peaceful intention.

The people there were amazing. They were welcoming, inclusive, accepting,  cheerful, hopeful and peaceful. The atmosphere was that of togetherness and optimism. The girls and I joined in a march with a flood of people. There was such a range of people: lots of children, baby carries and strollers, lots of grandmas, different cultures, different races, different religions. There were hundreds of different signs supporting various causes, just as there were thousands of different people supporting various beliefs. But everyone came together to stand together, to support each other, and to help each other.

I was really excited to be apart of such a huge and diverse crowd. I was thrilled to have my girls be a part of that. As I looked at the different signs marching with us ("Love not hate makes America great", "together in peace" and "love trumps hate") I thought how important it is that I send those messages to my children everyday. I need to teach them peace, love, and cooperation. I can't do that with yelling. Marching in a rally is fun and exciting, but my children will learn more from my everyday actions than a few clever signs.

We got home and I immediately collapsed on the bed. I need sleep.

A Year of No Yelling Day 20 - Featuring Verbal Abuse and Outdoor Screaming

The tickle in my throat has moved down into my chest. What is this? A chest cold? I hope it's not pneumonia again.

Today I was tired and cranky. A storm hit and it rained buckets all day. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep. But of course I had things to do, places to go and children to care for. 

I crossed a line today. So far this year, when I've yelled, the mistake has been the volume of my voice. I'll say a child's name, or the word "no!", which is just fine to say, just not that loud. Today I said something that was both an inappropriate volume and had inappropriate content 

Along with my kids, I babysat two other kids today. I took them to the library so they could play in our library's awesome playroom and read some books. After spending an hour we rushed across the parking lot in the pouring rain with me encouraging everyone to quickly get in the car. The kids ran to one side of the van while I ran to the other. I put Tabs in her carseat and looked over to make sure the kids were getting in the van. What I saw made my blood boil: Ash had gotten in the van, sat in the captain's chair, and had her legs stretched out to the back of the front seat, blocking the three other girls from getting the van. They stood outside in the rain, getting drenched. 

"Ash!" I screamed. "Let them in right now. What in the world is wrong with you?! I have never seen anything so selfish. I should throw you out in the rain and make you walk home." 

Yeah, I know. Horrible. She's just seven years old. In that moment she needed to be taught that her actions were unacceptable. She needed to be taught that while she thought she was being funny, what was really happening was 3 small children were stuck in the rain and cold. She wasn't thinking of others when she needed to put them first.  She needed her point of view to be shifted and the consequences of her actions explained. 

Instead, all that happened was that she was verbally attacked. She won't remember any valuable lesson or perspective shift. If I'm lucky, she'll remember that her mother lost her temper. If not, She'll remember that she is selfish. 

As I drove home, mulling over my appalling behavior, I can see why yelling just produces more bad behavior. If she learned the lesson that she was selfish, she will start to act selfish. A terrible cycle I started. 

When we got home, the girls got into an argument that resulted in Alexa letting out a shrill scream. Instead of reacting with anger, I calmly told Alexa that she could not scream inside, and to please go scream outside. She paused, and I pointed to the door. She went out the front door, screamed again, then came back inside. Three minutes later she scremaed again and I calmly repeated myself. This time she just opened the front door, leaned out, and gave a half-hearted scream before closing the door and coming back inside. She played well the rest of the day. 

So on the one had, horrible fail. On the other, a small victory. 

A Year of No Yelling Day 19 Featuring a Theory About a Pendulum Effect

An interesting observation: despite my failings, I do yell less. My children, however, now yell more.

I was told before starting this experiment that my children might become more sensitive. It was explained to me that if I gave them room to be themselves, free from the fear of being yelled at, they would go through a phase where they would be more dramatic, have more meltdowns and throw more tantrums.

I am now confirming this.

I asked a friend why this was and she said it was simply them exploring boundaries. She said changes in relationships often result in a pendulum effect: with roles being reversed back and forth, swinging from one extreme to the other, with the pendulum eventually coming to a peaceful rest in the middle.

Oddly, my children throwing tantrums does not push any of my buttons. I'm ok with dramatics, meltdowns and tantrums. I can handle those. It's constant and unrelenting whining or crying that really bothers me.

Today was a good day. I'm really tired and I think I'm getting sick, but today I stayed cheerful and calm.

A Year of No Yelling Day 18 Featuring a Three Year Old Reminding an Adult to Use Time Outs

I'm sleeping in a different room while Drek sleep trains Tabs. Last night I slept well except for the tickle in the back of my throat; it kept waking me up. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse.

Today went well. I'm the Troop Leader for Ash's Girl Scout Troop and today we did training for cookie season. Everything went great until we got home. Because of Girl Scouts we arrived home just a half an hour before Drek was due to arrive home and the house was (as always) a disaster. I turned on the music for the girls to do their chores and things were going along with the usual frustrations. I was trying to have the kitchen clean by the time Drek came home and was stressing about it when Tabs got ahold of a ceramic mug and dropped it on the floor. It shattered and for some reason I thought this an excuse to yell at her. I angrily shouted her name, to which she responded with surprise and then tears. I quickly picked her up and started to sweep the kitchen. Alexa quietly informed me that I wasn't supposed to yell and that I needed a time out. 

I agreed with her, but could't take a time out because I had glass to clean up from the kitchen before I could finish cleaning it. 

It's not the first time a glass dish has been broken in our kitchen and it won't be the last. It really isn't a big deal to me and I never want my kids to think that a dish is more important than them. I'll try again tomorrow.  

A Year of No Yelling Day 17 Featuring Skywalker Gibbons AKA Star Wars Monkeys and Dracorex Hogwartsia AKA Harry Potter Dinosaurs

Some success today!

I had a bit more energy today although my mind is still enshrouded in fog. I've had a tickle in the back of my throat for the last week. I'm hoping I'll fight off whatever it is instead of succumbing to it. Maybe that's where all my energy  going.

I tried to be loving and kind today and had sucess! I spent a few minutes one-on-one with each child with the goal to make them laugh. We had a fun time together today.

The house was in shambles right before Drek came home and I needed their help in cleaning up the huge mess they had made in their rooms. Thanks to recording what sets me off I now know that cleaning with my children is stressful for me. So I came up with a creative way for them to clean:

I told Ash she was a scientist who was trying to study a rare animal. The animal's natural habitat is clean, so the animal will only stay in a place that is clean. She and I raced to clean our rooms (or labs) and when the animal (Daddy) came it would go to the cleaner room/lab. If it picked her room/lab, she could study it and since she was the first scientist to study it, she could name it.  It gave us a chance to talk about Skywalker Gibbons and the Hogwarts Dinosaur, Dracorex Hogwartsia.

I told Alexa there was a unicorn coming! Unicorns like clean places. She and I raced to clean our rooms (or castles) and when the unicorn (Daddy) came it would go to the cleaner room/castle.

It worked out surprisingly well. I kept Tabs in my room while I cleaned in relative peace and the girls worked hard to clean their room. When Daddy came home we informed him he was a unicorn/unnamed animal and the girls thought that was so funny.

Of course, the kitchen was a disaster, but you can't win them all.

After the girls went to bed Drek and I left them with a babysitter so we could go to a ballroom dance class! It was wonderful to be alone together and so much fun to be doing something as fun as a ballroom dance class! It was just a one-time class, but it was so spend some time together.

A Year of No Yelling Day 16 Featuring A Successful Nursery Day and a Theory about Sugar and Depression

Yesterday worked out. I'm a Nursery Leader (toddlers ages 18 months-3 years) in my ward, so I spent the day preparing for and the being at nursery. It's the smallest nursery I've ever been in; just ten kids, so it's not very stressful and every week I find myself delighted by something. Those little kids are just so cute!

I tried to be patient and kind with my kids and it went well. I made it through the day without yelling! 

After the kids went to bed  Drek and I talked a lot, so I feel like we have some plans to make the future better. 

First, I need more sleep. I'm moving out of the bedroom for the next week. Drek is going to take Tabs and train her to sleep in a pack and play. Hopefully it will only take a week. Hopefully it will stick. 

Second, I really do need more me time. This last week I've been great on giving the kids individual attention and making them feel loved, but I really don't focus on giving myself alone time. We're making plans to change that. 

Today was better. I'm very, very tired today (Tabs was just awful last night, I suppose she knows it's her last night of freedom) but I'm not depressed, just tired. I did yell once, it was a warning "No!" which seems to be a weakness of mine. I'll have to think about how to control my volume when issuing warnings.  This article has some really helpful parenting strategies, including getting physically close to your children and talking softly so they have to really listen to hear you. 

I've realized a pattern: I eat sugar, and in two days I'm depressed. I'm not sure if this is (A)  a coincidence (B) an emotional reaction my breaking my goals or (C) a physical reaction to sugar. In the case of the latter two, It's just more motivation to avoid sugar.  

A Year of No Yelling Day 15 Featuring a Pit

Back in the pit of depression.

Why am I doing this, again? Not the no yelling thing, the whole kids thing. I used to love being a mother. I thought it was challenging , but fun. I thought it was difficult, but worth it. I can't remember the last time I felt that way. Now it's just hard.

A Year of No Yelling Day 14 Featuring Talking to Yourself Creates Success

Last night Drek and I put the kids to bed, then got a babysitter to come and sit in our living room while we sneaked out for an hour to go to an open house good-bye party for one of my dear friends.

They had treats there. I ate them. Because I am an addict.

This morning I was really surprised I gave in an ate sugar. It wasn't even chocolate! What in the world was I thinking? Why would I break my goal like that?

I think it's because I've lost focus of my priorities. Getting up in the morning and saying aloud "Today is a No Sugar Day" really helped me back in November. I said it my husband, I announced to my kids, I texted my friends and asked them to hold me accountable. Now, it's just another thing I'm working on.

I think applying the same thing to yelling will also help a lot. Today I think I yelled...I'm really not sure because I didn't lose my temper, and it wasn't done in anger, but I think I did raise my voice a few time, again because I think I'm losing focus of my priorities.

So tomorrow I will start the day by announcing to the mirror, or to my family, or to whomever or whatever is listening that  Today is a No Yelling and No Sugar Day.

A Year of No Yelling Day 13

Today was better! Once again Tabs woke up at 2, but she was only up for 30 minutes or so. I'm hoping she'll get better.

I woke up with some energy, which is great. I'm still on the mind fog, but I'm hopeful I'm coming out of sugar withdrawals. I feel like I can see light at the end of a dark tunnel.

A study of long therm effects of yelling on adolescence is giving me motivation to try harder.

The study was in 10 public middle schools in eastern Pennsylvania over a two-year period, working with 967 adolescents, most from middle-class families, and their parents.

The study showed a few very interesting things. First, rather than minimizing problematic behavior in adolescents, the use of harsh verbal discipline may in fact aggravate it.  Harsh verbal discipline occurred more frequently in instances in which the child exhibited problem behaviors, and these same problem behaviors in turn were more likely to continue when adolescents received verbal discipline. “It’s a vicious circle,” The author of the study stated “Problem behaviors from children create the desire to give harsh verbal discipline, but that discipline may push adolescents toward those same problem behaviors.”

This reinforced something I had already read: Yelling at children teaches them to yell. Yelling is an ineffective form of communication. The parent yells, the child yells, neither communicate and the situation just gets worse and worse.

Second, the negative effects of verbal discipline (increased levels of depressive symptoms, more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior.) were comparable to the effects shown over the same period of time in other studies that focused on physical discipline. So even though I think it's better to yell than to hit, the long-term effects aren't so different.

And third,  the researchers also found that love, emotional support, and affection between parents and adolescents did not lessen the effects of the verbal discipline, and neither did the strength of the parent-child bond. So if I only yell once a day, or even once a week, and shower my children with love every other time, they's still have the damaging effects of yelling.

So, what I gathered from this study is that It's not ok for me to yell at my kids.  It isn't productive. It doesn't result it better behavior, it results in worse behavior. It teaches them ineffective communication and stunts them learning how to communicate in a healthy way. There are no excuses for yelling.

The researchers of the study said a much better approach than yelling is for parents to communicate with their adolescence on an equal level, explaining their worries and rationale to them. I think that to a point, that will also help with children. If I try to communicate with my children, they will try to communicate with me. If we are communicating, we can problem solve.  The best book I have read on communicating with children is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish. I feel this book opened up a whole new world to me and it's something every parent would benefit from reading at least once a year. In fact, after reading this study, I think I'm going to try and read a chapter of it a few times a week, just to keep in my mind how to teach and learn effective communication, since the study points out that that is critical to healthy, well behaved children. Hopefully that will help me to stop yelling.

A Year of No Yelling Day 12

Once again Tabs was up at 2am and would not go back to sleep. Once again I woke up depressed.

Today I tried to get myself out of my depression. I tried to play with my kids, I tried to smile, i tried to be grateful. It didn't work.

Today we went grocery shopping. A few months ago the store had a sale on gift cards and we bought a few. I took the never before used gift card to the store with me. While I was pulling Alexa and Tabs out of the car and looking for my shopping list and grabbing my shopping bags Alexa found a gift card on the ground and handed it to me. I praised her, thanking for finding it and thinking how awful it would have been if I had lost it.

When we got checked out I handed her the gift card. It had a quarter of the amount that was supposed to be on it. When she said it would only cover have the bill panic rose in me. It then occurred to me that maybe that wasn't my gift card. I dug in my pocket and pulled out another gift card. I handed it to her and sure enough, that one had the correct amount. I realized that I had just used someone else's gift card to pay for my groceries. I thought of asking the clerk to reverse it and put it back on the gift card, but the store was really busy, my line was long, and the clerk was young and inexperienced. I rationalized that a gift card was like cash, and I would never be able to find the owner. We finished loading groceries into the cart and I started to walk away,

I felt awful. I had been depressed all day, but this was different. I rationalized that I should feel grateful. We had gotten half of our groceries paid for! God was trying to tell me he loved me! But it didn't feel like a blessing. I stood at the front of the store and looked around at the busy clerks, the long lines, and the crowds of people. I glanced around for a manager, but couldn't see one, and Tabs had started crying. Alexa was anxious to get going and was starting to wander off. I was busy, I had my hands full, and the store didn't want to be bothered.

Still.

I sighed. I went to the nearest check-out stand and asked the busy cashier if there was a manager I could talk to. She informed me she was the manager. While she checked out someone else's groceries, I told her what had happened and asked if I could put the amount back on the gift card. She said she could, and that they could track to whom the gift card belonged my the gift card number.

So I took and extra 5 minutes out of my day to do that.

On the way to the car I explained to Alexa that she had been someone's angel; that she had found the gift card that someone had lost and because of her, they would get it back.

I was still dead tired, but no longer depressed. I yelled a few times, but I was able to tell myself that I needed to keep trying.  I think in that case, service was helpful. Next time I'm depressed I'll try doing some small service to see if it will help.