Their Furry Bodies, and Their Sticky Webs, and What do They Need All Those Legs for Anyway? I'll Tell You: For Crawling Across Your Face in the Middle of the Night. How do They Not Ruffle You?

It's been a boring week. Not in a bad way, just, uneventful; nothing worth posting about,

And then this morning happened.

First off, some background:
Yesterday Drek, Ash and I volunteered with Mormon Helping Hands. Our service project was to repaint a house for down syndrome adults. Before we painted, we scraped, before we could scrape,  we needed to take down the Christmas lights. The ladders hadn't been brought out yet, so I grabbed a plastic lawn chair, climbed up and started to take the lights down. Apparently I shouldn't have had such a big breakfast because the chair couldn't hold my weight. The plastic broke and I fell through the chair. It scraped up my legs and did something to my back. I feel really old saying it, but my back was really hurting for the rest of the day. It hurt when I went to bed last night, and it hurt this morning.

Okay, so this morning: My back hurt while I made Ash her breakfast. I even made her some hot chocolate (out of coconut milk, cocoa and xylitol). I got ready for church and picked out a dress for Ash. Drek got Ash dressed and the morning went on. Ash came into Ben's office and said "I'm sick." before throwing up the hot chocolate all over the carpet. She then turned around and threw up all over the hallway carpet. Drek and I rushed to make sure Ash was okay and clean up the many messes.

Drek decided he still needed to go to church and I would stay home with Ash. I loved this idea since my back was hurting and I didn't want to sit on church benches for three hours. Drek left, and I dressed Ash in warm pajamas and pushed the couch in front of the computer so we could snuggle under blankets and watch movies. I had Ash in my arms, and adjusted the couch, when I looked down, and there, right in front of me on the couch, right next to my hand, was the BIGGEST SPIDER EVER. One of those ginormous wolf spiders that were everywhere when we moved in and I haven't seen since.

Needless to say, I momentarily forgot about my back pain. Basically I screamed and jumped away, then screamed again and ran into the bedroom. Ash was like Did my mother just go insane? but was very comforting. "You okay? You scream? You okay?"

I made it to the bedroom, couldn't find my phone and broke down into a panic attack. I finally made it over to Drek's laptop and tried to call him through google voice, but couldn't get the audio to work. I resorted to texting him (something incoherent like EMERGENCY! Being attacked by monster arachnid!) and when he texted me back I heard my cell phone ping was able to find it. By the time Drek came home I had barricaded us into my room.

Drek didn't even have to ask the location of the spider. He bravely vacuums it up, slaying the mighty beast. He emptied the vacuum and then came to free his princesses from the tower. Ash was delighted to see her dad: "Hi daddy! Mommy scream! Mommy scream!" And I was delighted that my hero had come to save me.

Lets hope things go back to uneventful.