Dude, This Thing Claims I Have Mail. It's Amazing What We Can Do With Computers These Days. Dude, Now I'm Totally Reading It

Today at church, instead of having our normal meetings, the Bishop gave a lecture on the new church websites. The church has completely re-done the LDS.org website and has introduced the new Mormon.org website, so the Bishop took us on a brief tour of these sites and their awesomeness. I was so excited he did this. Have I mentioned I love my Bishop? I do. He gives great lessons.

Anyway, I was so excited he did this because I had not yet had time to play with these websites, and had yet to unlock their potential. Did you know that on the new website you can download complete audio files of the scriptures for your ipod or smatphone? Did you know you can access the Friend online and play cute and educational games? Did you know you can find out what the Humanitarian Aid is doing and how you can help? Did you know you can search through a massive database and find a mormon who is your same gender, age, race, has the same interests, or has been in a similar situation, and find out about that person's life, opinions and testimony? That means I can instantly find other vegetarian mormons and read about they deal with ridiculous relief society lessons. Oh, I love it.

One of my favorite things is the ability to log in. If you log in, and you're a church member, you can access an online ward directory. That means three things: Since it's online, you don't have to keep the paper ward directory around to clutter up your house. You can instantly get the phone number of someone new to the ward, or updated information if someone just changed callings or their phone number, and the church is going to stop printing paper directories to save trees! Isn't that wonderful?!

It was a great meeting. I think my favorite part was when the bishop showed off the page for teenagers and talked about how is has a lot of youtube videos, and then went on to explain that "YouTube is a video sharing service where you can upload videos and watch videos made by others." I giggled. Sometimes I forget that some people have never used Youtube, or Google, or (gasp) Blogger.

A Bug! A Bug! What is is Lavender? A BUG!

I love Sunland. On a day when the rest of the United States is under snow, we decided to go to the tidepools in our awesome eighty degree weather.

It was a perfect day to go. The tide was lower was lower than usual and we found some pretty neat stuff. The first thing we found was a family of HUGE starfish:

The smallest on was bigger than my hand. They were big!

Drek found a big beautiful conch shell, which was home to a giant sea slug. We decided to let it live in peace.

And then we found this:
It's an octopus! We found an octopus! It was so cool! We snapped a few pictures and then it slipped of the Frisbee (great octopus catchers) and went home.

Tea and Coffee and Tobacco they Despise. Drink No Liquor and They Eat But a Very Little Meat They Are Striving to be Great and Good and Wise

I attended our Relief Society meeting on Wednesday. The theme was "New Year, New You" and promised to be about eating healthy, exercise and my favorite topic: The Word of Wisdom.

I have learned my lesson. Really. From now on, when there is a ward function involving the Word of Wisdom, I promise not to attend. It just makes me upset and no one wins.

Let me set the scene for you:

This is a church activity so we are meeting in the church. Around twenty to thirty women, ages eighteen to really, really old, are sitting around the gym at various dinner tables, eating a delicious pot luck of salads, fruit and rolls. There are a few children, but not many. A few women have an infant in their arms. There are no males in the whole room. Let me emphasize that: This is a girls only activity. No boys were invited, no boys came. This activity is geared toward women. By women, for women, about women.

The night started out with a lecture from a nurse. She stands up in front with a microphone, explains that women need to value their health and then starts off on her topic. Her topic is Testicular Cancer.

Actual quote: "I've seen boys come in the balls as hard as rocks and I'm like: really? You didn't notice there was something wrong? Just like girls are supposed to do monthly self breast exams, boys should do monthly self...well, you know. They should check!"

Oh. My. Goodness.

She finished her topic (after briefly discussing Prostate Cancer. Why?!) and another girl got up to discuss healthy eating habits. She informed us that protein is very important and we all need more protein.

Actual quote: "Chicken is the best source of protein. I've learned to put chicken on everything! Put it on sandwiches, in pasta, in salads, in soups...anything you make with no meat needs to have some chicken! It's healthy!"

And that's about where I vowed never to underestimate the stupidity of humans. That is also about where I zoned out and gave all my attention to Ash.

No one even mentioned the Word of Wisdom. Not surprising since that second speaker has apparently never read it. That's okay. Neither has most of the church.

Pretty Please? The Physical Appearance of the Please Makes No Difference

Rissy got off her mission today. I can't express how much I've missed her.

Of course, since I don't live in Hometown anymore, I couldn't be at the airport when she arrived. In September it occurred to me that since she was over seas, she could potentially have a layover at an airport within driving distance. This was very exciting, and I decided I would get a hold of her travel plans so I could meet her at the airport. I wanted her to meet Ash. And I wanted to see her again.

I did get a hold of her travel plans and she did, indeed, have a layover at an airport within driving distance, but by the time her plane landed her connecting flight was already boarding. She would have to run across the airport if she wanted to make her flight. There was no way she could even wave through a window, let alone go out of security, meet Ash, and then go through Security again. Besides, I didn't want to make her go through a Backscatter machine and extra time. I called the airport to ask if I could go through security without a ticket. The answer was no. It wouldn't matter how nicely I asked, the TSA would not let me go through security to run her to the connecting flight.

She landed at the airport today. Less than three hours away and I wasn't there. As it turns out she missed her flight, so she waited with nothing to do in the airport for almost an hour. Gah! Why wasn't I there?! Why?!

She called me when she got home. It was good to hear her voice. We're already making travel plans. I can't wait to see her.

I've Got It! Let's Flap Over to the East Side of the Jungle. They've Always Got a Bit of Action, a Bit of a Swingin' Scene, All Right

Today we went to the zoo! We went early, which was awesome, because there was so few people which meant that all the zoo employees talked to us so we got the inside scoop of the animals. Like that the oldest Galapagos Tortoise is around one-hundred-seventy-five years old, and the baby is a girl and only ten years old.

After we were done with the tortoises, we walked along a back path. Coming around the corner I saw a zoo worker walking a beautiful golden retriever. Following behind her was another zoo employee, holding a leash. Her leash was attached to a creature I couldn't fully see, because it had no yet come around the corner, but I could tell it was HUGE. I watched it and my eyes nearly bugged out when it came into view.

"That is not a dog." I said aloud. The zoo workers chuckled and said "No, This one is a dog, but this one is an adult male Timberline Wolf. "

Out for a stroll. On a leash. Sniffing the ground just like any other dog. Right in front of me. I mean, RIGHT in front of me. The wolf came about a foot away from where we were standing. He sniffed Ash and then happily went on his merry way. I asked if I could pet him, but the zoo works said that the public can never touch the wolves.

You Think You're Pretty Smart, Don't You, Trebek. What With Your Diego Mustache And Your Greasy Hair. Look, What Did I Just Say About Racial Slurs?

We don't own a TV or a gaming system, so I have to find other ways to amuse myself. Today during Ash's naptime, I decided some good entertainment would be to call my Health Insurance (Company A) and ask why they are sending me "Final Notice" bills when we're set up for automatic payment.

I am on hold for twenty minutes before I decide to get online and see if I can figure it out that way. I called them through Google (did you know you can make free calls from Google? I do most customer service calls through them so they can keep me on hold forever and it doesn't eat up my cell phone minutes. I love Google) so I open a new window and find their website. First I have to create an account, then I have to log on. After that is done, I see that our detectable has been changed, but I can't see how. I also see me and Ash, but not Drek. And then I say "pay bill" so I pay our bill and then start an email to Company A (since they won't answer their phone) asking if Drek is covered because I can't see him, how are deductible has changed, and since they don't pay for well baby visits, how do I let them know that I paid for a well baby visit so it can count toward our deductible?

While I am writing that last part, I decide I need to be more specific, so I look up the date Ash had her well baby visit. I also want to add the amount I paid, but I can't find the receipt. I paid with our HSA (Health Savings Account) debit card, so I think that all the information will be online. I got to the HSA website, and realize I have to create yet another account. This one is not so easy. I don't know the information they are asking for so I have to call them too.

I am on hold with Company A through Google. I am on my cell phone with Company B. I am on Company A's website and am trying to log on to Company B's website. Entertaining, no?

Anyway, Company B says they can't tell me that information, but they can tell me where to find it, so I go digging through files and find the paper with answer to their question. I set the paper down in front of the computer. As I about to type it in, Company A FINALLY answers the phone! I have been on hold for thirty two minutes. I ask them my questions. They say Drek is over eighteen, So I'm not allowed to see him when I log on , but he is still covered, they say the new Healthcare bill changed the deductible and they said that when that happened, all automatic payment information was lost. I ask about the Well Baby visits and she informs me that under the new Healthcare bill, they will pay for all of Ash's Well Baby visits from now on. I am stunned. I ask her to double check, so she does. She checks my doctor and my plan and assures my that they will pay from now on. Wonderful!!

I thank her, hang up the phone, and then realize I've already started this account with Company B, so I might as well finish. I enter the answer, hit continue, and it gives me a crazy error message. I call Company B again, and the girl says she can help if I verify my address. I give her our address in SunLand. She pauses, and then asks if there is another address. I give her our address in Burgville, thinking we hadn't updated it. She says that's not it either. I give her our HomeTown address, that is also incorrect, but she says the state is right. I give her my parent's address, thinking I used that as a mailing address four years ago, she says that's not it. I ask her if it's the first address Drek and I lived after we were married. She asks what that address is and I can't answer because I have forgotten it. I remember the street, but she says she can't say yes or no unless I give the full address. So I go online to Google maps, type in the street, find the house, and look at street view. I zoom in to the address on the curb, give it to her, and she laughs and says no, that's not it either. I am baffled. She thinks I am am traveling vagrant and points out that we've only had this account for three years. Yeah. I move a lot.

And then I look down at the paper in front of me. On the top it is addressed to Drek and has his parent's address. I ask if that address is correct. She says that the address is, in fact, correct. Hooray! I win! It was right in front of me all along.

I don't need to watch game shows on TV, I create them for myself with customer service calls! Today on K La's Customer Service Calls, K La won two online accounts and free Well Baby visits! Join us next time on K La's Customer Service Calls!

I Shall Call Him Squishy. And He Shall Be Mine. And He Shall be My Squishy

I love Sunland. Last week we were freezing to death and slipping all over the ice-covered roads in Hometown, but this week we are walking barefoot on the beach and dipping our toes into the water. And my, was it beautiful:


We went to see some tidepools! Drek found a website telling us the the tides and the best time to go, so we went! There were all sorts of creatures and crazy rock formations. This was the most abundant creature. I have no idea what it is. If I had to name it, I would call it the Sea Gush. The video explains why. Any one else have a guess?

And we saw a crab! So I give you another video:

I held the shell that Drek gave me in the palm of my hand as we walked down the beach. Suddenly I felt a strange tickling. The shell was alive! There was something coming out of it! IN MY HAND!! I screamed and dropped it and Drek laughed at me.

And that is why I love SunLand.

The Moment You Set Foot on That Casino Floor, They'll be Watching You Like Hawks. Hawks With Video Cameras

I'm not thrilled about the heightened airport security. I already think the TSA is not only useless, but a complete joke, so the fact they are spending MILLIONS of taxpayers money on new machines that no one wants and they've admitted won't keep us safer, makes me mad.

I'm a little worried about the radiation, I'm a little worried about my naked X-ray picture ending up on the internets or on the iphone of some perverted, lonely TSA worker. I'm even more worried about voicing these concerns in the security line because I am very opposed to a TSA agent sticking their hands down my pants.

So, once the announcement was made that every airport would have a Backscatter X-ray or a Millimeter Wave Scanner I did a little research. I looked up a list of which airports had which machines and purchased tickets based on that information. For instance: There is a small airport here in Sunland that does not have either machine. They are not the closest airport to us, but that's where we decided to fly from. I also discovered that the HomeTown airport only has a Millimeter Wave Scanner in one terminal, meaning as long as I didn't fly Delta, I was safe.

And thus, I purchased tickets for us to fly to HomeTown for Christmas. I admit, I was really hoping it wouldn't be an issue. I was hoping "National Opt Out Day" would get some attention and by the time I flew in December, the machines would be ancient history.

That's not how it played out. The security at the Sunland airport was fine. Not a Backscatter X-ray or a Millimeter Wave Scanner was in sight and all the agents were polite and professional. We arrived in the HomeTown airport without being blown up, but as I walked passed security I stopped dead: people going through security were being ushered through a very big and expensive looking machine.

"Is that a Backscatter?" I asked the TSA agent in charge of making sure people did not go in the exit.

"No, it's a Millimeter Wave. We just got it yesterday. Pretty cool, huh?" She said.

My mouth fell open. But, I did research! I drove farther than I had to! I didn't fly Delta! I'm not supposed to even see one of those machines! But I just nodded, not sure how anyone could think that it was "cool". There are multiple security lines in the HomeTown airport and only one Millimeter Wave, so maybe I could avoid it anyway.

Thus, I was a little anxious about flying home. We had an early flight, so Drek and I wanted to get there just an hour early, instead of ninety minutes early. We knew we could do this if we checked in online. The night before Drek got online and checked himself in, then turned the computer over to me. I went through the link, but when I entered my name it took me to a screen informing me that the TSA had flagged my lap infant as a possible terrorist and they needed additional information about her.

Really? I'm not flagged but my daughter is? Really?

So I entered her full name and date of birth. Except when I got to the year she was born, the drop-down menu only had two choices: 2010 and 2011.

Seriously? Because four day olds are known terrorists? Where was the 2009 choice? Drek looked it over and decided the programmer must have thought that since lap infants are two years old or younger, he would only put two year choices. And clearly it's more likely that my child would be born in the last four days, than in the entire three hundred and sixty one day span of 2009.

I tried entering her birthday as 2010, but it said what we entered didn't match their records (of course) and to see a flight agent immediately. I called my airline and explained the problem. The girl tried to override the system, it didn't work. She tried to give me 2009 as an option; it didn't work. So she tried changing my daughter's birthday to 2010 so the records would match. This only succeeded in having us red flagged. Great.

We got to the airport the next morning (an hour early. I was not going to get up at four in the morning because some web programmer is a moron) and to my dismay I realized that all the security lines had brand new Millimeter Wave Scanners. However, I also noticed that one of the machines had orange cones in the entrance, and no one was being ushered inside. Hah! Less than three weeks old and already broken. So we went through that line.

They did not pull Ash aside and they did not pat us down. In fact, besides the fact that one of the TSA agents was a complete jerk, it was business as usual in the security line. Still, I don't think we will be flying anywhere anytime soon. The entire situation is one I want to avoid.

What Can it Be? We're All Doomed! Who's Flying This Thing!? Oh Right, That Would Be Me. Back to Work

Today we drove the wrong direction on the freeway. It was super exciting.

Drek is driving down the freeway in Hometown. I am in the backseat, entertaining the baby, who is in her carseat. We are all wearing seat belts. The truck in front of us changes lanes, revealing that the cars in front of us are stopped. Drek slams on the brakes, I gasp and pray we can stop and aren't hit from behind. Ash takes another bite of her snack.

We do stop, we aren't hit from behind, and by now, no one is moving. We just passed an exit a quarter of a mile ago. We are in the right most lane, about five feet from the on ramp where, further up, cars are also at a standstill.

We turn on the radio and hear that there is a nasty multiple car accident, all lanes are blocked, emergency vehicles can't get to the scene and "avoid that part of the freeway because you can't get through, period." Oh noes.

We wait. A car passes us on the on ramp and has to stop. Another minutes passes. Another car comes and has to stop. A few more minutes pass and a brown station wagon and a green bug drive down the on ramp and stop behind the line of cars. The driver of the green bug looks at the freeway: all lanes blocked, no one moving, and looks behind him: the on ramp is all clear. He then puts his car in reverse and slowly drives back the way he came, going around a corner and everything. Drek mentions he was just thinking the same thing. I reply that it is too dangerous and we aren't in a hurry. Drek replies that we might run out of food and water. I look at Ash. She gobbles up the rest of her snack.

A minute passes. The brown station wagon goes into reverse and follows the green bug. The truck behind us does a U-turn on to the onramp. His truck is now driving forward, following the brown station wagon as they go the wrong direction on the freeway. He is followed by two more cars in reverce.

Drek decides to be bold. Despite my protests he follows the example of the truck: flipping a U-turn onto the on ramp. We are now in a very slow moving line of cars, some going forward like us, some going in reverse, exiting the freeway using an on ramp. Yes, it was terrifying. Surprisingly I was not afraid of getting hurt, I was afraid a cop would give us a ticket. I am so screwed up.

We turn the corner and flip another U-turn so we are now facing the correct direction in a correct lane. We drive over the freeway to take the back roads to our destination. As we drive over the on ramp we had just used as an off ramp, we see a very long line of cars following our example.

The cars that are unaware of the accident or the traffic jam and are trying to get on the on ramp have stopped in the wake of the dozens of cars facing both directions, trying to get off the on ramp. I giggled as I thought of what they must be thinking: "Wait, are we in the wrong lane, or are they? Are they all drunk? Are zombies attacking?"

It's All Meaningless If I Have to Force Them to Do Anything. Why Should I Have to Step In?

2010 was a great year.

At the beginning of last year our car was broken into and I lost my iphone after owning it for approximately three weeks. Okay, so 2010 didn't start out great, but it got a million times better:

We moved to a different state with two weeks notice. I knew I wouldn't be in Burgville forever, so I made a list of everything I needed to do while I was there. I didn't cross off everything, but I did cross off most of it and a blast doing it. I went caving. I went hiking. I traversed wild mountain springs and slid into dark ice caves. I went off-roading. I caught tadpoles in a lake. I swam in hot springs. I ate at delicious (and not-so delicious) restaurants. I got within a few feet of an elk, a buffalo and a baby buffalo. I saw a wolf. I did a polar bear plunge. I went on a horse-drawn sleigh ride, I did a photo shoot on a swing set in the middle of nowhere

Besides things on that list, I did a lot: I learned how to make tortillas. I learned how to grind wheat and made lots of wheat bread, wheat rolls, wheat tortillas and wheat cookies. I finally learned to bake (It's a miracle). I discovered that CSA boxes rock and fresh cow's milk is unbeatable. I learned Spanish verbs are awesome, radiant heating is the way to go, being within walking distance of a park, the library, post office and grocery store is way better than having a car. I discovered I love running and then I discovered I love barefoot running. I discovered the joy of anti-gravity Yoga and books on CD. I wrote an entire novel. I ran a half-marathon with dad and my sister. I made a pinata from a balloon and paper-mache and a fort out of packed banana boxes. I made awesome Halloween costumes for my family and a delicious Thanksgiving-themed dinner for my Grandparents. I gave up red-dye 40 and HFCS and have gone an entire year without shampoo. Lost ended, which was not-so-great, but the ending was good.

In July we moved to Sunland. I created a new list to complete and so far have been ocean kayaking, gone to Disneyland, Legoland, the Mormon Battalion, and the zoo. I've collected seashells on the beach, walked along piers. I went to an old fashioned rendezvous and gambled in an old town salon. I've touched a giant turtle and fed sea horses. I'm looking forward to the rest of my list!

There were lots of parties. We had a Valentine's day party, St Patrick's day parties, a Pi day party, Cinco De Mayo parties, a Labor day party, Halloween parties, Christmas parties, laundry parties, Birthday parties, and lots of weddings!

Oh yeah, and I FINALLY don't have to wait for winter to end. A few weeks ago the temperature all weekend was eighty degrees. In December. It's not always amazing weather, but when it is, it's really amazing weather. And it so worth it. Finally, I have escaped winter.

The best part of 2010 was knowing that God was watching over us, guiding us, and helping us. That has been blatantly obvious this last year. I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for a wonderful year, a wonderful family, and the wonderful friends I've made over the last year.

2010 did not go anywhere near what what was planned or expected, and I'm grateful for that. Next year, when I write about 2011, I want to say I compleated all my New Year's resolutions. I want to say that 2011 was just as unexpected and awesome as 2010. Except maybe a little more awesome. Like I published my Novel and it sold more copies than the seventh Harry Potter book. Or I saved the CEO of a major international airline from a burning car and he gave me golden tickets to fly anywhere in the wold, to use as many times as I want. That would be great.

I Want Them to Help Themselves, to Know the Difference Between Right and Wrong Without Me Having to Tell Them

2010 resolutions:

-Speak fluent Spanish.
I admit, I cannot speak fluent Spanish. Even so, I don't consider this goal a failure. I made some great progress in this area: I found awesome Spanish websites, which I use. I found awesome Spanish CDs which I listen to in the car. I listen to a Spanish conference talk almost every day. I found an amazing Spanish teacher in Burgville and my Spanish improved leaps and bounds under private tutoring. Not only did she teach me Spanish verbs, a concept I had never dreamed of, but we became really good friends. One day I will go back and visit her and we sill hang out all day, only speaking Spanish.

I feel like my whole attitude towards Spanish has changed. While I set it as a goal before, I felt that it was unobtainable, that I would never really be able to speak Spanish. Now, thanks to my awesome Spanish teacher, I KNOW I can learn Spanish.

I never really though of Spanish as a beautiful language, only useful. That changed this year, thanks to one amazing episode and the incredible talent of Nestor Carbonell. Honestly I could listen to that man speak Spanish all day. All day every day. After that I love listening to Spanish no matter whose speaking. I think it's a beautiful language and I have huge respect for it. I didn't love Spanish before. I love learning Spanish now.

So, I may not speak Spanish fluently, but I'm getting there, and I did dream in Spanish, so I'll count that as a check.

-Run a marathon.
I did not. But I'm okay with that. I decided my goal was not to simply run a marathon, but to become a long distance runner. When I first decided to run a marathon, I thought it would be hard, I thought I would hate it, but in the end I could have something to brag about. This year taught me that I love running. Running is the fun part. I don't care about bragging, I don't care about completing a marathon, I just love to run. I am a runner. Check!

-Write a novel, edit a novel and publish a novel.
I wrote a novel. I am edited like mad, and am still editing. I joined a wonderful writing group that I love and they are helping me edit. I've also just started another tiny writing group specifically for editing our NaNoWrimo novels. I'll get there!

-Write in my gratitude journal everyday

I wrote in it twice. Fail.

-Index 1,000 documents.

I did exactly zero. Another fail.

My resolutions for 2011:

-Continue learning Spanish; be able to have unscripted Spanish conversation by 2012.

I love Spanish. I love listening to it, I love learning new words, I love stringing those words together to form sentences. I love learning Spanish and can't wait to learn more!

-Run a marathon.

I love to run. I love pushing myself in running. I can't wait to run farther and farther until I reach marathon distances!

-Edit my novel, then publish it.

Between my two writing groups, I know I will edit my novel. I will have it all edited by April, and then I will work on publishing it.

-Write a new novel

For NaNoWrimo. I already have an idea.

-Write in my gratitude journal everyday

I can do this! I will set it by my bed, and tie a pen to the journal. It will be the first thing I do every morning.

-Index 1,000 documents.

That's eighty-four per month. No problem!

-Minimize

Sell, give away or donate everything I don't use. My focus will be on experiences, not on material possessions. I will not buy it unless I NEED it. I will not keep it if it's not used at least once a month. For the entirety of 2011 I will not carry a credit card.

How About You, You, You. You Can Come Too, Too, Too

Drek and I aren't fans of Christmas commercialism. In fact, Drek's least-favorite holiday is Christmas because it is so commercialized. This year we thought about what to get our one-year old for Christmas. We thought about books or clothes. We thought about a baby doll or a sled. We also thought about just giving her a giant box filled with used wrapping paper because, let's face it, that's what the kids have the most fun with, and she's only one so she won't be disappointed (or even remember the next day what she got).

Finally, we decided on a family year membership to a zoo. It's a gift she can enjoy all year long, plus we can go and spend time as a family, creating memories that (hopefully) she will remember for the rest of her life. Or, at the very least, at least she'll remember that mom and dad are fun to hang out with. I had an old stuffed Koala from my childhood, so we wrapped it up and stuck it under the tree to symbolize her gift.

And then we cheated. When our memberships came in the mail, I realized that they were not 2011 memberships, but annual memberships that start the day you buy them, and we bought ours on November 30th. That meant a whole month wasted! So we decided to open Ash's present early and go to the zoo.

It was the best thing ever!! We saw some fun animals;

We rode on the skyride;

And I got to touch a turtle!
I hope Ash is as happy with her present as I am.

She Sells Sea Shells By the Sea Shore

This year we didn't have tons of money for Christmas gifts. We also wanted go commercial-free as much as we could. I also wanted to bring home a little of SunLand to Drek's siblings. All the combined into three homemade Christmas gifts.

First off, Drek and I went to the beach several times. We walked along, finding seashells and having a wonderful time. We cleaned and sorted the seashells and made a few crafts:

This one turned out the best. I took a brand-new wooden picture frame and hot-glued a few seashells on the frame.

I put in some cute photos I took on the beach and I thought it looked great!

Some sea shells had holes in them, I assume from some sort of sea creature.

So I strung some string through them and turned it into a bookmark.

(Any guesses on that book?)

And here is my favorite craft: Take the biggest seashells,

and some tea candles. melt the wax and pour into seashells, transfer the wicks.
and you have candle seashells!
Now I know you're looking at these crafts with a winkled nose and thinking that they look like elementary school children made them. I'm not going to argue that. I will simply tell a story:

I did another craft for my niece. It was a painted wooden board with a stencil. All I had to do was paint the board using the stencil and the craft would be done. After applying three layers I pulled off the stencil and discovered the paint hand gotten under the stencil, creating horrible swollen bubble letters that made it impossible to decipher the words. It was a disaster. I am very craft-challenged, you see. The fact that these sea shell crafts actually look like the intended outcome is my greatest success.

This, compared to my amazing sister-in-law, who made us the most amazing looking magnetic board for all our holiday needs, and a super-cute compartment for Ash's carseat, so Ash has access to toys and snacks. And check out my what my sister made for Ash; Zoo animal finger puppets. Aren't they AMAZING?!

Till, Ringing Singing, on its Way, The World Revolved From Night to Day

Christmas was great fun. Christmas morning was spent opening presents and stockings and hanging out with family. Christmas afternoon we went to my parent's house and opened more presents.

And then my dad and mom left to go the emergency room because they thought my dad has a blood clot in his leg and maybe his chest. He didn't, but in order to prove that the doctor exploded a vein in my dad's arm. They were in the hospital for about four hours before they could come home.

The day ended with a marshmallow gun fight.

Merry Christmas!!

What Surprise When I Open Up My Eyes to See a Hippo Hero Standing There

Ah, Christmas Eve:

The gingerbread houses are all decorated, the presents are wrapped under the lit tree, the stockings are stuffed and hanging, tomorrow's breakfast is all ready to be popped in the oven, the baby is sleeping, and Drek and I are sipping hot chocolate and playing Scrabble on his iphone (he take so long to play. But he is beating me by over a hundred points so I guess it works for him).

I've decided to give this blog a little Christmas present: I'm enabling comments. They'll be moderated, but viable.

Merry Christmas

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up In Strings, These are a Few of My Favorite Things

Here's a fun fact: In the U.S., the annual trash from wrapping paper and shopping bags totals over four million tons.

I despise buying wrapping paper. On the other hand, I love wrapping presents and having colorful presents under the tree Christmas morning. So this year I did this:

Sometimes when I'm mailed packages, instead of packing peanuts the shipper used brown paper. That brown paper makes awesome wrapping paper. Add a bow and it's beautiful! That's my favorite thing to do.

I also like using and re-using Christmas boxes and bags since they add so much color. I save them year after year. They're always good.

The red bag with green polka-dots is actually a reusable fabric gift bag. It's the perfect thing to wrap gifts in because it encourages the receiver to save a tree next year!

This year I bought some Christmas themed fabric for a Christmas craft, and used the extra for wrapping paper! Very colorful.

The beautiful blue package in the back is wrapped in wrapping paper from last year. It's not normal ripping-paper. It's made from cellophane or something. It's very exciting.

So, here is another fun fact: If everyone wrapped just three gifts in reused paper, reused bags, or fabric, it would save enough paper to fill forty thousand hockey rinks.

Don't think I'm an eco-saint or anything. While I was looking up these fun facts, I also found this one: The amount of Holiday card sold in the U.S. in one year would fill a football field ten stories high and requires the harvesting of three hundred thousand trees. Yeah, I helped murder THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND TREES. Next year, I will stick to Christmas emails.

Oh, Good. What Will I be Doing? Well, Pooh, You'll Be Sitting in Your Thoughtful Spot, Thinking as Usual

When I am disgustingly rich and have vast amounts of money to throw away, and there are no more charities or poor people in the world, I will build a room in my house that looks like this:

And I will have a hallway that looks like this:

But most importantly, I will have a window with this view:

And I will sit at that window with Ash on my lap and stare for hours at a time, just like I did today, because that window is my new thoughtful spot. It has to be one of the very best spots in the whole world.

Oh, That's Terrific! It Will Be Nice Working With Proper Villains Again

The post office opened at 8:30. I got there 8:10 hoping to avoid December lines, but to no avail; the line was already out the door. Thankfully the line was for the actual post office, and I needed to use the automated post office machine so I only had to wait a few minutes. I zipped through the machine and was back to my car in less than ten minutes. The post office hadn't even opened yet!

And then I realized I locked my keys in the car. Actually, I had locked Drek's keys in the car since my keys had been lost for a few days. It's a good think I had the baby on my back and not locked in her carseat.

So I called Drek, who couldn't really do anything. We do have a spare key for events such as this, but I lost that key a few months ago. Yeah, I bring these things upon myself. Drek did give the number for the sheirf's department, but SunLand Police cannot be bothered with trivial things like serving the public, so Drek got me the number for our car insurance company.

Miracle of miracles, our insurances covers roadside assistance. The girl called a locksmith for me, who came out in no time. He was polite, but focused. He didn't talk much so it took me a second to pick up on his accent. It sounded European, but it was hard to tell since he didn't say much. He pulled out his tools (which is just a glorified coat hanger) and set to work. He jammed a wedge into the window and stick the wire down into the door to fish for the lock. After a minute, he gave up, threw the tools aside, and pulled out what looked like a blood pressure cuff. He jammed it in the door, inflated it, and then stuck a thick pole with a right angle into the car and maneuvered it to press the "unlock" button. It took about thirty seconds. That's five minutes from the time he pulled up and less than two minutes once he got to work. He was a really pro. He was so good I almost asked him to join gang of car thieves that I'm creating because he just inspired me. Just give us an hour in the parking lot of a Target and we'd make a killing. How does one get into professionally breaking into cars anyway?

Are We Lost? No. I Think We Are

I got sick in November and stopped running. I figured I'd start back up in January (excuses excuses), but last week I discovered our stake was having a 5K race today. I wanted to do it, but one week didn't give me a whole lot of time to prepare. Last Saturday, after over a month no running, I ran four barefoot miles in fifty one minutes. That is not great, but at least I ran. Monday I walked with Ash for two miles. I was supposed to run, but I was so very sore. Wednesday I ran two miles in twenty nine minutes. Thus, my goal for today was to run my very first barefoot race ever, and my very first running 5K ever, and my very first trail run ever, and my third race ever, in under forty minutes.

By the time we got to the race today I had lowered my expectations slightly to just starting the race. Not even finishing, just starting. I was terrified. I can't really explain why, but I was way out of my comfort zone. There were only ten other runners, mostly male, and all of them older than me. I did not blend it at all. Also, I was the only one without shoes, and that got quite a few comments. Back in July, I wanted so badly to run a 5k and dazzle everyone with my effortless three mile run. I imagined I would soar to the finish line in under half an hour, and not even be out of breath. Alas, not training for your goals tends to make goals dreams instead of reality. My reality was I was about to run a 5k very unprepared, out of shape, and scared.

But the race started and off I went. The course was marked with hidden and undistinguished orange cones. There were lots of turns, forks, and curves, and three minutes into the race the guy in back said the leaders were going the wrong way. Most of us turned around to follow him, but a few of the lead runners got lost. That was not the only confusing turn, and as we got more spread out I really don't now if I took the same turns that the other runners took. I fell behind the lead group, then behind the second group, but I kept going. I mean, really kept going. I ran. I did not stop, and I pushed myself harder than I ever have before.

At the end of the race I like to sprint. I like to put everything I have into the last few hundred yard. I love sprinting to the finish line, adrenaline taking over and run finding strength I didn't know I had. Because the course was so ill marked, I had no idea where the middle of the race, was, much less the end. I came around a corner, expecting to go another half mile, and that was the it: the race was over. I had just crossed the finish line. I didn't sprint because I had no idea I was so close. It was very anticlimactic.

And then I looked at my time: twenty five minutes minutes.

WHAT?! I may have been second to last, but I sure beat my best time by a whole lot. Are you kidding me? The answer: maybe. Because the course was so bad, no one really knew if we actually ran three miles. One runner had the pedometer that said it was closer to two miles, but he was in the middle and no one knew if they took the same route he did.

So, yeah. I ran a race today. I don't know how long it was, or if my time was good, but I started and I finished. And I'm running again. So, hooray.

She Told Me It's Just Beyond the Meadows of Joy and the Valley of Contentment

I am actually mailing out Christmas cards this year. In the past we've done an email and we still will do email for most, but I got free Christmas cards from Shutterfly so I decided to be domestic. Mostly, I will hand-deliver our Christmas cards. It's much better that way. If I have to pay for postage, I'd rather just send an email, but in this case I am actually snail mailing a few. In order to do that I had to collect a few addresses. I decided who got cards and who got emails by a simple competition: first ten people to respond to my address requests get a card. I like to keep things simple.

Drek and I addressed the cards last night. I paused when I came to the address: 555 Nonesuch Road. I rolled my eyes and shot back an email: You do not seriously live on Nonesuch Road.

Yes I do.

No you don't.

No, really, I do.

So I looked it up on Google maps. He actually does live on Nonesuch Road. There is a road called Nonesuch road. I'm not joking. The name has not been changed in this post. It is, actually, officially, named called Nonesuch Road. Why? Why would you do that? Who names roads anyway?