Thanksgiving is over. Thank goodness. Thus begins what I look forward to all year:
CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!
Oh Trans-Siberian Orchestra, I have missed you!!

And so the Christmas Season begins. Today I ventured upstairs and lugged down the Christmas Box O'Doom. The contents of which are currently scattered about my room. I was decorating until I ran into a small problem: I'm out of space and I still have two nativity sets to display. Hmmmmm. . . .
I love Nativity sets. I collects them. Unfortunetly, this year I seem to have a table-top shortage. Ah well, I'll think of something.

Happy Christmas everyone!

Pavor Nocturnus

Last night I had a Night Terror.
This is all sorts of frustrating because 1) I haven't had one in months 2) I still don't know why I'm having them and 3) I'm not even a teenager anymore, I should not be having them at all. grrr.
Anyway. It was a pretty mild one and except for the feeling of impending death and the desperately wanting to resort to old habits, it was fine. This morning I awoke and much to my surprise found that the feeling was not gone. I think the feeling is generally characterized as "anxiety," but it seems like much more than that while your experiencing it. It's more like knowing that any moment a cataclysmic disaster is going to happen. You want to dig your nails into something, anything. You want to hide in a dark cave and be be swallowed up forever. It's not fun.
Anyway, the feeling most of the day. Luckily, little girl was feeling especially cling-y today so I got to hold on to her for most of the day.
Afterward I went over to Krisling's apartment. Because she is a saint, she let me wash her dishes and organize her pots and pans. I'm sure she wanted me out of her kitchen and to stop touching her things, but she didn't say anything. It helped tremendously. We watched "Invader Zim" and sometime between Grr becoming the house and Zim writing a note to his past self the feeling went away. Thank goodness.
Also, Thanks to Krisling I now have Halloween pictures that I actually took, rather than stealing them of QUARK. That blog post has been updated.

Christmas List

Growing up I always thought that being an adult meant that you wanted boring things for Christmas. "I just want you to have a clean room." or "for you girls not to fight." I thought being an adult meant that all you wanted for Christmas was world peace.
According to that definition, this is the first Christmas I am officially an "adult". It is a very sad realization, only making the impending doom of my next birthday more terrifying than it was before, but it's true.
So here, for your entertainment, my Christmas List for 2006.

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

-Better Days, Goo Goo Dolls-

Writers at Work

As I'm sure you all know, November is National Novel Writing Month. Somehow, it was decided that this year a bunch of us participating in NaNoWriMo should get together and write all night.
Friday night we all showed up with laptops and candy, ready for a night writing genius.

Pictures!!

Hard at work. Stories (and homework) are all progressing nicely. Note the Latin Dictionary. No writer should be without one.

Drek: I don't know about you, but at 3:00 in the morning my writing becomes amazing! Everything I write is genius!
Jakeson: After I read what I've just written a little tear rolls down my cheek. It's just so beautiful!

Aneeka contemplates her character, Rissy works hard on her tablet

Jakeson and Gmilla

The next Great American Novel coming right up

Can Rissy really type that fast?

The whole gang

Fortune Cookies and The Killers

Yesterday was a wonderful day.
It was the first time in three weeks I was not terribly depressed, therefore, it was a simply fantastic day.
I've decided I love my job. The morning was spent reading books with Little Girl, discovering what a tree is (trunk, branches, leaves, and bingy-bongas) to be followed by making a tree. It was a lot of fun and Little Girl was so delighted with it that she wanted to lie down under it and take a nap.
After work I drove around to run some errands and three Killers songs came on in a row. This, I took as a sign.
I got hang out with Bradley for a little bit and he listened to me while I talked my head off.
I also got to talk with my cousin for a while. He's newly married (less than a month) and it's fun to hear him talk about his life.
Best of all I got to see Drek. He took me out to dinner and my fortune cookie said: Any trouble you have will pass very shortly." Which I'm taking to mean that my depression spell is finally over.
We then went over to a friend's house to watch "The Great Race" which is always hilarious.

:)

Announcement:

I am NOT an object.

I cannot be owned.
I cannot be bought
I cannot be borrowed.
I cannot be stolen.
To borrow a phrase from Princess Jasmine, "I am not a prize to be won."
I do not belong to anyone. I am not the property of anyone. I am not a doll to be shown off, or a territory to mark. I am not to be claimed, I am not to be controlled.

Right now, I am making, as I have in the past, a conscious decision. It's my decision to make and I am perfectly capable of making it.
Good-bye.

Halloween!!

So, late as usual, here are some Halloween pictures:

Halloween Twister. Announced by the Dreaded (and handsome) Potato Hunter



The Dreaded Potato Hunter.




Me and Krisling. "I'm pulling fuzz out of my eye! My eyeBALL!!"


SuperNate


One Alien thought a SuperNate might be tasty.



Krisling in the back-up costme: a Fuzzball.


Sakura and Real Chainmail-Man




Creepy in the light, creepy in the dark. Almost enough to give me the Jibblies



Personally, I love the paper bag costume. Pure brilliance. And can it get much cuter than the basketball hoop? I submit that it cannot!



Aneeka with Drek's potato launcher. In case you can't tell from this picture, her costume was AMAZING. And, she did it all herself. It is now my goal to one day be that good.



Clue. What more can I say?



And the epic battle begins.



Another amazing costume. The Joker has returned!!!



Awwwwwww.



And to end, a crappy picture.

frisbee secrets

Browsing through Postsecret.com once again when I came across this gem:



So there was this one time, when we were playing Frisbee golf, and taking in the amount of people between us and our target I causally said: "20 points if you hit someone." He threw it, and hit a poor girl playing on the playground.
I actually collapsed, I was laughing so hard. This postcard makes it all the more funny.

Startling realizations

-Brownies of the non-homemade variety are disgusting
-I do actually like my job
-Scary movies are a million times better when watching them with someone
-Somewhere along the line I became decent at sewing. Shocking, I know
-I'm going to Mexico in December to build houses. I cannot express how excited I am about this.
-3 month anniversaries don't have to be a disaster

Zoo, Castle of Chaos, Applebees

After a perfectly wonderful day, I don't think my night could have ended any better.

Relocation

As an update, I quit my job on Friday. I told them that I would stay the weekend if they needed me, but that it was the end of the month so it was a good time for me to go. She replied that I would stay two weeks, or until they found a replacement nanny. So that was that.

Today was actually going very well. Little boy was being his usual difficult self, but things were running quite smoothly. The Evil Stepmother comes home just as I am finishing up dinner. I tell little boy to go wash his hands and come eat. Five minutes later I relies he has not come back. Then I hear Evil Stepmother screaming from downstairs. I hear little boy cry and there is more yelling. Usually, this scene unfolds upstairs, as Evil Stepmother doesn't like to go have to go down to the basement where little boy's room is. Today she must be in a good mood. The yelling and crying continue on for ten more minutes. I sit there and wonder to myself how I am possibly going to survive this for a few more hours, let alone another week. Finally they come upstairs and we have dinner.
Back downstairs Little boy gets into the shower and from upstairs you can hear Evil Stepmother and husband fighting. Again, I wonder how to get through this.

Soon I am in little boy's room, reading him his bedtime story. His father comes down and informs me that they have hired a new replacement. I excitedly ask if that meant that tomorrow would be my last day. He replies that tonight can be my last if I want. I am overjoyed at this news. Little boy is not so happy. We talk about it for a while and finally I hug him good-night and go into my room to pack. I decided to put the collection of little boy's pictures in little boy's room. When I go in there I find him crying into his pillow. He tearfully explains to me that I'm the nicest Nanny he's ever had and he doesn't want me to leave. We discuss it more, I assure him it will all be ok, and tuck him in again. I really had no idea the kid even liked me. I feel devastated for abandoning the child, especially in those conditions, but the alternative would be far worse for him. The poor thing has been given a horrible lot in life, but at least he is well cared for physically and financially. I do, however, think that the child will never be normal emotionally and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.

Anyway, I pack up my car, leaving behind most of my stuff. I shall return for those in the morning. I go off to a meeting. While there I receive a phone call: I am to clear out all my things tonight.
What??
Is he actually telling me that I have to relocate all my junk at nine o'clock at night? Yes. Yes he is. In the midst of this, I get a call asking if I am going laser tagging. I explain my situation, and ask if she has any boxes. She does not. I thank her and hang up. Two minutes later I get another phone call asking why I am not going laser tagging. Again, I explain my situation. He responds by saying that I am the one that keeps complaining that we never get together anymore and when he does invite me to things, I don't come. "I mean I guess you have a valid excuse this time. . ."
Excuse me? For one, I have never lodged such a complaint. Two, My life has just been hurled upside down, I am given a deadline in which to relocate my whole apartment immediately, and your upset because I'm not going laser tagging??
I hung up on him.
Which I realize was incredibly cruel, and I know I'll regret it tomorrow, but I did it anyway.

Thankfully, my family is incredible, as is my boyfriend. They came to my rescue and I was completely moved within 45 minutes. So, a million thanks to my wonderful family, and by amazing boyfriend. You guys really saved me tonight. Thank you.

Good news and more good news

Conference weekend!!
It is a weekend I dreaded as a child and now look forward to most emphatic. This conference had particularly good timing, as the it followed a quite a horrific Friday.
The talks were amazing and, as always, just what I needed. It always amazes me that even though there is so much evil and depression in the world, all the talks are uplifting and hopeful. The Gospel really is good news.
A few talks really stood out to me, but the one that I was impressed with the most was Elder Holland's talk. The power he was speaking with was incredible. I think it also helped that all of conference was spent curled up next to one of the most spiritual boys I have ever known.
My sister and brother-in-law invited Meimei and I over to their apartment inbetween sessions on Sunday. We were there for lunch but, as they said, there were alterior motives. The motives, as it turns out, were to privilege us to some very good news:
They're having a baby!! The baby is due sometime around April or May. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

I debated with Shandra for a while, but it just wasn't quite right.

Jasmine.

I think. That's what I'm going with for right now. Maybe Yasmin. Hmmmmm. . .

What's In a Name. . .

After much struggles, I have finally come to own a car. It's a Saturn. It's a girl. What should I name it?

Assassin Log

Target: Tim

Friday

I finally acquire my target. I call Tim up and ask him help on identifying shot glasses for Russell's surprise party. He agrees to help. He says he is home alone and he'll call me when he is free so I can come over. I think to myself that this kill will be too easy. Oh how wrong I was.
He calls back in an hour and asks to meet somewhere. I suggest Carl's Jr, as that is where I was at the time with the little kid I'm taking care of. He shows up at the restaurant, I tell him the glasses are in my car. As we head outside I realize he's holding a gun behind his back. Curses! Not so naive after all.
I show him the glasses. He says they are too big. While talking he seems to relax and tucks his gun into the back of his pants. I reach into my bag to grab my gun, but fumble. He realized what I'm doing and reaches behind him to grab his gun. It turns into a good-old-fashioned-fastest-draw match. I win.

Target: Cardissen

Saturday

Drek points out that there is a planning meeting for all VPs on Saturday in the library. Cardissen is a VP so he should be there. We show up to the meeting right on time. Luckily, Cardissen is not there yet. I stake out the perimeter, noting that the only way to the meeting room is through a wing of the library. I casually pretend to be browsing shelves. Soon, he comes strolling around the corner. He passes my location. "Cardissen." I call out (softly, of course, it is a library). He turns. I shoot him in the shoulder. Oh it was perfect.

Target: Ilya

Saturday

It's Russell's Party!!!!! Ilya stays with people the whole time. That's ok, my master plan is to give him a ride home, where I will drop off Drek first, Shoot Ilya, and then drop him off.
At the end of the party I ask if anyone needs a ride. Ilya says he does. Perfect.
Once I find my keys and my shoes I walk out the door. Ilya does not follow. He says he will stay a little longer. Curses!

Monday

Drek and I go to his apartment at night. We call up josh to find out exactly which apartment it is. Josh informs us Ilya moved, to someplace by Wall-Mart, and he doesn't know where. Bah!
I look up Ilya on Stalker Net. His listed address is in Russia. Decide that information is useless.


Tuesday

Call some people to cleverly find out info on Ilya. I discover he either has to be at work at 10:00am, or he leaves for work at 10:00am. He works at Shop. . . Something. It might be in Orem. I decide hunting down a THE Assassin might prove difficult

Wednesday

Enlist my mother to help with difficult/impossible target. Starting at 9:00am we drive around all the apartment surrounding Wal-Mart (there are a million of them, in case you were wondering) We pay special attention to bus stops, as I am kind of maybe sort of sure he hasn't bought a car in the last few days. At 9:45 I spot Ilya walking down the street to the bus stop. I promptly freak out.
MOM THAT's HIM THAT'S HIM!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IT'S HIM IT'S HIM TURN HERE!!! HERE HERE TURN HERE!!! IT'S HIM IT'S HIM
We park my the bus stop. I cleverly hide myself from view and wait. He walks by. I jump out, run toward him and shoot wildly. This is, beyond a doubt, the sloppiest assassination of all time.

Target: Beatobur

Wednesday

Make up a plate of cookies. Look up address on Stalker Net. Drive to apartment. Cleverly hold gun under the plate of cookies. A roommate answers the door. Target won't be back till 6-ish
At 8-ish I enlist meimei to help. Once more decide on cookie trick. The plan is to shoot him from under the plate of cookies when he opens the door. Once again the roommate opens the door. Bah! This time there are two other people in the room, and Beatobur is in the kitchen. He comes out to great us. Right before he crosses the threshold he realizes why I am there and jumps back inside. He grabs his gun and we have a shoot off. It was much fun. I lose due to the witnesses. I give him the cookies anyway, content to know the game is over.

Thursday

The game is not over?????

Friday

Enlist help of Tim. He arranges the perfect set up (see Tim's blog). The plan: Kill Beatobur and have him join us in killing Jill.
We spend 10 minutes in a photo booth waiting for the opportune moment, Just the fact that we did that makes me laugh.
Following a brilliant plan by Tim, Beatobur is assassinated oh-so-secretively. It mostly rocked.

Target: Jill

Friday

Jill is not at home, Tim is extremely good at improv. Jill is not at work. We go back to her house. Jill is in her room alone. We know Kim is still in the house somewhere, although because she is already dead, she doesn't count as a witness. Jedi is on the couch, This is a problem as I am Jedi's target. Plan: Knock on door, shoot Jedi so she can't shoot me. Quietly go back to Jill's room and shoot her.
But, unfortunately I hesitated, Tim greeted Jedi, I shoot Jedi, and, for some odd reason, Kim. There is an unidentified witness on the couch. Jill hears Tim speaking and comes into the living room. I can't shoot her. Curses.

Target: Josh (not my target, but I'll help anyway)

The plan is to kill Josh, then go back to Jill's house so Drek can kill Jedi and I can kill Jill.
Get info that Josh is on a date at Fall Fest. Go to fall fest and look around. There are hundreds of people there, We do not find Josh. Drive to Josh's apartment to wait. We wait. Finally Josh calls me and leaves a message that he knows we're there, and he's not coming home 'till we leave. We leave, park the car, and head back on foot. His apartment is locked, no one is inside. We ask the people in the apartment across from his f we can wait there for him to come home. While he is unlocking his door we will shoot him in the back!!!!
unfortunately, Josh's roommate is in the apartment we are in, and calls Josh to warn him. Curse faithful roommates!!
We leave. Twenty minutes later we call paranoid Josh to taunt him. He is still not home, and still thinks we are there waiting. I'm not sure if he ever made it home that night. . .

Saturday

To lazy to attempt any kills. Resolve to just stay alive until midnight.

Sunday

The game is over; I am still alive.

and counting. . .

One Year

Hoo-ray for me.

And it's not even the slightest bit easier now than it was this time last year.

Games

This round of Assassin is turning out to be quite perplexing.

Also, Werewolf is amazingly fun to play with the right group of people

The best band to play at weddings. . .

Last weekend I was privilaged to go to Texas for my cousin's wedding.

I met her husband-to-be the day before the wedding while the happy couple and I were driving to my other cousin's Eagle Court Of Honor. It was on this drive that my cousin relized that they had no music for the reception. I volunteered my ipod and was promply hired.

That night I spent thirty minutes with my cousin downloading wedding-appropriate country songs onto my computer. We only had enough songs to fill half the reception time but she still needed to pack her suitcase and run to Wal-Mart, so she left me with the words "just use whatever songs you want"

Bwahahah

This meant one thing:

Deathcab for Cutie

And so the reception was a success. There was a plathera of country songs, a few classics, and a few songs of my choosing. It worked out rather well I think.

Oh, and my cousin's are darling.

This morning I got quite the haunting e-mail. It's like a ghost from the past when I thought I had left the haunted house. I'm really not sure what to do, or what to think, or how to feel. I suppose I have this blog so I can rant. So this is me, ranting.

This is one thing he wrote:
"I do wonder about you from time to time. It's an odd thing---I sometimes attempt to recall the way your voice sounded, or the exact way your face looked---and I can't."

You know what? I do remember. I remember the inflections he used, the tone of his voice, and the words he would say when we were with his friends, and I remember how different all that was when we were alone. I remember the way he did his hair, the way he walked, his facial expressions . . . I remember how angry he would get. I remember how useless I used to feel. I remember struggling with all my might just to keep from drowning.

The thing is, I'm a different person now. I've changed a lot. I've worked hard to try and be somebody. I've worked hard to show myself that I'm worth something. That I have value. It doesn't matter anymore what he thinks about me, or what anybody thinks about me for that matter.

I'm happy now.

Much Hilarity Ensues

Yesterday was the start of the assassin game. This meant that all of today I was completely paranoid. I was constantly looking around corners and over my shoulder. I told myself that if anyone in the game showed up at work to just stay in the back, lest they were here to shoot me.

Mark (my boss) stayed at work late, so most of my morning was spent joking back and forth and him teasing me mercilessly. Almost immediately after he left I got a phone call for a job interview. The interview was at 1:30. I was scheduled to work until 6:00. I called meimei and asked her to cover me for two hours. She said she would, because she is amazing and so much more generous than I ever was.

Noon. Cue IRS man coming into the bakery. IRS man has come into the bakery everyday since before I started working there. Since the deli opened, he'll come in and get lunch, then come back around three for an eclair. We've has causal conversations before, to where we're on a first-name basis, but yesterday while his sandwich was being made we had an actual conversation during which he asked if I was leaving the bakery because I was getting married. I told him I was not (but Mary seemed to think that too. Where is this rumor coming from?) and realized he was about to ask me out (IRS man is very nice, around 26-29 years old, not married and not my type. Not to mention I am very, very happy with who I am with right now). His sandwich was finished just in time. Anyway, back to today, IRS man came in for his sandwich and I hid in the back. We didn't have eclairs, so I told him while he was paying and leaving, that I would be sure and make some before 3:00. Because that's what my job is.

When Meimei came in at 1:00 I asked her to make eclairs, and she said she would.

At 1:20 I showed up to the interview, had a wonderful talk with the supervisor who then offered me the job on the spot. I accepted, because it really is a great job. My last day at the bakery is Aug 23. My first day at Craft Supplies USA is Aug 24.

I got back to the bakery to discover that meimei had used the wrong filling for the eclairs, which is no big deal. I thanked her and she left.

At 3:00 IRS man came in. I hid in the back.

At 4:30 Russell showed up. We talked for a while and then he left. I blame this exact occurrence on my state of stupidity for what happened next:

I was in the back, I came out to the front to help people. Mary was helping one customer, there was a customer waiting, and I see another person waiting in the corner. I turn to help the customer in line, and realize the person in the corner is _________.
I turn back around, greet him, and go to give him a hug, when I am squirted three times in the stomach.

I am assassinated.

After laughing my head of at my own stupidity, we walk to the bank, walk back, and I bid my killer good-bye, and good luck on his next kill. Before he leaves he gives me an extra water gun. I will use it well next game.

Back in the bakery as I am closing, who should walk in but IRS man!!!! He's staying late at work and wants to buy caffeine. I ring him up and ask if the eclair was ok. He replies it was still good, but he likes the custard better. I apologize and replies with: Tell you what, if you dump that no good boyfriend of yours and go out for ice cream with me I'll forgive you.



. . .




After I regain my composure from laughing so hard I think I'll explode ( no, I wasn't mean, I was very diplomatic. Poor IRS man) Mary starts making fun me and I die laughing all over again.

Next is D and D. I always end up laughing till my sides hurt, but tonight is particualry hillarios because most people in the campaign are aslo playing Assassin. I get five phone calls during the run asking me information on other Assassin players. News of my death has spread quickly apparently. DM threatens if I answer my phone again, I will lose a level. giggle giggle.

After the run everyone becomes paranoid. Bradley sends Todd out to search the perimeter. Todd apparently fails at this because the moment Bradley steps out of the house he is shot. It does not count as a kill because Todd was a whitness. And now the plot thickens.

I arrive home to the news that Ben has just been assassinated. My, we were a busy bunch tonight.


Ah, glee.