Metal shop? Oh, Miss Nalca's Interpretive Dance, Two Semesters. I Was Usually in the Back Because of My Weak Ankles

Today I drove to a birthday party for a friend (the bus doesn't go there and it's too far to walk). While sitting at a red traffic light the car next to me honked their horn and I was startled to see the man driving the car had his window down, was leaning out, and was trying to tell me something. I hesitated, unsure what to do in such a situation. He was young looking, tan, with sunglasses on and he didn't seem angry, so I rolled down my passenger window.
"Is your name K La?" He asked. I was stunned.
"K la Maidenname?" He said. I was slightly nervous at this point.
"Don't you recognize me? It's me!" He said his name and then, in fact, I did recognize him. More from his voice than his looks. He was a boy I went to High school with, we lived a few blocks away form each other. How weird that we run into each other sitting in traffic in Sunland. Crazy.

I Can't! I Lost the Defuser Gun When I Misplaced the Invisible Car

And so ends my self-imposed No Driving Week.

Thursday I needed to go to a non-grocery store. The store is only about a mile away, and there is a bus, but the bus would only take me the last quarter mile: kind of a waste. So I put Ash in the jogging stroller and went for a walk.

It was surprising. When you walk, you see things that you don't see while driving. I discovered that my city is very walking-friendly. The sidewalks are extra wide (and don't randomly end like in Burgville) there are always cross walks, and I even found a walking path next to the sidewalk that took you along park benches and trees in case you wanted to go the scenic route. Speaking of scenic route, I'm amazed how much of this city is not-city. I found a beautiful waterfall surrounded by palm trees, a brook that ran along a forest, and dozens of trees and bushes in random places. It's just beautiful!

We got to the store, got what we needed, and walked back. I have no idea how long we took, but I know it was a lot longer than if we had used a car. I also know the next time I need to go, I'll just walk. It made for a much more enjoyable day.

Friday a friend picked us up and we went to the outlets for some shoe-shopping. She dropped us back off at home at the end. It was a nice outing, but she did have to go out of her way to pick us up and drop us off. I think that is the main problem of not driving: it forces other people to pick up the slack.

I liked this week a lot. I liked taking the bus, I liked walking, I liked how I felt like I got to spend more time with Ash. When we were waiting for the bus or going for a walk, we would talk and play and tickle. I can never do that while I'm driving. It made me feel like a better mom. It also made me feel like in better shape, since I was walking so much, and like a better citizen of earth, since I was reducing emissions.

The downsides are obvious: Cars are freedom. That's why they are so popular. Without a car you can't just go when you want, you have to plan around bus routes, walking time, weather and other's schedules. Still, I don't really mind that. I think the benefits far outweigh the extra planning. Like I said: the problem is that I feel like I'm punishing others. There are some places that are too far to walk and the bus can't take me: the ocean, the library, friend's houses. If I want to go to those places, or if other people want me to go to those places, they have to come get me, and that's just annoying. I have awesome friends who have volunteered to take me places, but can I really ask them to spend extra gas money because I don't want to? The answer is no. If I got me driver's licence taken away, or if I lost my car, sure. But just because I don't want to drive? No.

So, I think I will take the bus to go grocery shopping (as long as I remember my purse). I will walk to the store and anywhere else I can. For now, I will keep the car and use it only to go places I cannot go on the bus and are too far to walk. For now.

Who Needs a Car in L.A.? We Have the Best Public Transportation System in the World

I hate driving. I really, really, do. For a while now I've been looking into alternatives. This week was declared "no driving week" and I've tried to stick to it. Monday was easy: I didn't go anywhere. Tuesday Anna drove me to a fun outing, but today was different. Today I needed to go grocery shopping.

So I used Google maps to plan my route using Sunland Public transportation (har har. Yeah, I know, it's on oxymoron). The good part was is the bus stop is close, and has a route directly to a grocery store. The bad part is the bus only comes once per hour, so if you miss a bus it's an hour long wait.

Today I hoped to make the 9:06 bus so I left the house all ready to go shopping when I left to walk to a doctor's appointment. Sadly, the appointment went longer than expected, so I missed the 9:06 bus. I went home, Ash got into the backpack, we played, cleaned and then headed out the door. We found the stop, waited, boarded the correct bus, paid in exact change and got off at the correct stop. I was just beginning to feel accomplished and self sufficient, when I opened my backpack and discovered I had forgotten to re-pack my purse. Meaning I didn't have any money for groceries, or for the return bus ride. Oh noes.

Thankfully Mandy had called me before I left and told me to call her if I got stuck. I was stuck, so I called her. She came to my rescue and saved the day. I finished grocery shopping and since the bus didn't come for another thirty minutes Ash and I hung out in the pet store looking at birds and mice and chinchillas. Afterward I once again found the correct bus stop, boarded the correct bus, paid in exact change and got off at the correct stop. It was a successful day, I just wish I wasn't so scatterbrained. Yeash.

But it was good enough that I will do it again. I think the bus is a great way to get the few places on the bus route. For everything else: well, that's still a problem.

Don't Worry About It. We Use Recyclable Clothes Now. Wear Them Once, Then Eat Them

As promised, more information about my church calling:

First off, as I have mentioned before, I love my calling. I am the ward bulletin coordinator, which means I make those paper programs. Before I was called, I remember looking at the ward program every week, seeing the full page folded in half, and trying to calculate how many trees died so we would all know who was speaking. Needless to say, I was excited when they gave me my knew calling, and right away I asked if I could make a few changes, starting with shrinking the program down to half a page.

"As long as you can get all the information on there and the font is still big enough that the elderly in the ward can read it, you're good." was the response.

So, I put the schedule on one side, the announcements on the other, and left out the directory (hello, it's online now!) and the cute little picture. Alas, I was told that the directory HAD to be included every week. After a few weeks of struggling with this, I came upon a very old program from a BYU student ward. It was amazing. It was a quarter page, with one side having a nice picture, and to the side of the picture a simple schedule. I mean simple as in, instead of this across the whole page:

YOUTH SPEAKER...................................................John Smith

CLOSING PRAYER..................................................Jane Smith

It had this:

Speaker: John Smith

Prayer: Jane Smith

indented to the right. It was simple and beautiful. I loved it. The next week I adopted it. Not the quarter page, ours is still half a page, but all the info is there, it looks awesome, and the bishopric approves! Hooray!

My next task was to collect a few buckets from grocery store bakeries, label them as recycle bins, and post them outside the doors every week. I started this three weeks ago and this last week I got some real results! I'm so excited! I feel like I'm making a difference! I love my calling!

With Water the Temperature of Lava, One Side to be White Hot Heat for Scarring, the Weight to Cause Blunt Force Trauma...

When Drek went to school, and later, when he worked from home, he lived in shorts and T-shirts from DI. Now that he has a "grown-up" job with an office and everything, we made an effort to go to a store and buy new dress pants, button-up shirts, and belts. He wears these new clothes to work and he looks good. Really good. My husband is amazingly good-looking. Those clothing companies should pay him to wear their clothes, he looks so good.

The only drawback is now that he has nice clothes, we're supposed to keep them nice. That involves sorting laundry, reading tags and (gulp) ironing.

I have ironed before. I iron creases when I sew and for a while I ironed a boyfriend's BDU's. But I've never really learned how to iron.

A friend let us borrow their ironing board and iron and I set about watching YouTube ironing instructionals. I was kind of having fun with it. It made me feel all wife-y. As I was ironing I thought to myself "And my husband will know I love because his clothes are all nice and wrinkle-free. And everyone who seems him looking so nice will know he has a wife who loves him." And I was happy to be learning a new skill and taking care of my husband.

After a few pairs of pants, I switched to shirts. At this point, I made the mistake of reading the comments. I HATE online comments. Especially Youtube comments. People are so, so stupid. Anyway, the very first comment I read was "That women knows her place." (referring to the women in the ironing instructional) Suddenly, my attitude changed. I thought to myself: "What am I doing? My lazy husband can iron his OWN freaking clothes. How dare he take advantage of me like this! I should NOT be learning how to iron, I should be learning how to dismantle a nuclear warhead. How DARE my husband force me to iron. He makes me do EVERYTHING for him! I'm amazed he even gets himself dressed in the morning. Stupid men, always taking advantage of us women. Stupid, lazy, good-for-nothing men."

You see why I hate comments?

It took me a good three hours to calm down. My poor husband.

But I learned how to iron! I am ironing again today. I think I like it. I will continue to iron my husband's clothes to show my love for him. Just don't make any snide comments or I might iron your face.

Tuesday Ash came down with the flu. In three hours, I had been thrown up on four times and pooped on once. And then Drek came home from work. Ah, the joys of parenting.

Wednesday Ash was sick with a fever. She needed to sleep, but wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. So, all day we cuddled, napped, and I watched six episodes of Next Generation. I was supposed to be cleaning; Drek's family is coming into town, but instead I just enjoyed that fact that my baby was actually cuddling with me. Is it horrible of me to say I loved her being sick? It was like having a newborn again. It was like having a baby that likes me to hold her. It was fun to push all other obligations and responsibilities aside and just give her exactly what she needed, no exceptions. I loved that.

Today she is better. Not back to her normal self, but she is back to hating cuddling and is well enough to scream when she doesn't get her way. I'm grateful for her good health, but I can be grateful she was sick, too?

Pop! Goes My Heart

On Saturday we had a big Valentines party. It went really well. Anna and I decided do the same thing for food that we did last year, so we had a chocolate fountain (Hooray!) and cheese fondue. Instead of doing all the food ourselves, we asked the guests to bring different things, which worked out really well since the food we needed was super easy: a bag of pretzels, a box of graham crackers, steamed broccoli, bread, fruit...

I made the cookies to dip in the chocolate fountain. Peanut butter, mint chip, and chocolate:

Everyone brought food and it turned out amazing:

Anna decided to do an Alfredo sauce instead of a cheesy sauce, and it was perfect! Everything was delicious and there was way more food than we could eat.

I planned the games, so I asked every couple to send me a story about how they met, or how he proposed, or their first kiss, or something romantic like that. i read the stories out loud over dinner, and everyone had to guess which story belonged to which couple. After that I gave each couple a list of couples from books, movies, TV and real life and they had to name where they were from.

Mandy brought Valentines day crafts for the kids, which was amazing. All the kids had a great time at the craft table. We tied a balloon to all the kid's legs and they chased each other to try and pop the other's balloons while protecting their own.

We played a game where as a group we had to answer Valentine's Day trivia questions and race to the correct room. The kids LOVED that game, with all the running around. It was great.

Then we played a sort of soccer game, where the individuals in a couple were handcuffed together and we played with an enormous exercise ball. We had to end that game a little early since the little kids wanted to play and it go really dangerous. I was afraid one of the babies would be trampled. But all in all, it was a great party.

For Valentine's Day I made eggs in the shape of a heart for Drek and Ash. That night we went on a picnic to the park and swung on the swings. It was very nice.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

That's a Lot of Hair. She's Growing It Out

It is a dream of mine to have waist ling hair. I have had this dream ever since I was a little girl, but, although most people would say I usually have long hair, it has never grown as long as I would like, due to a series of hair disasters: my five year old older sister finding scissors and deciding to give me a hair cut, going swimming so often my hair turned green, dying my hair black several times for several months then trying to dye to brown, resulting in a clown-orange horror... All of this is not helped by the fact that my hair does not grow fast. I don't know the average speed of hair growth, but I'm sure my hair grows slower than most. I KNOW my hair grows slower than my amazing cousin, M. Rose, who has grown her hair out, cut it all off and donated it to Locks of Love SEVERAL times. Really, she is amazing.

Anyway, the point is I've been trying to grow my hair out. After a year and a half with no cuts or trims, my hair was looking... hirsute? Is that redundant? Fine, we'll say disheveled. So I asked my amazing sister-in-law if she would trim my hair. She did, and it looked great. She cut off around three inches, but my hair was still long and looked crisp and clean. That was last week. This morning as I was doing my hair, I looked at the length and thought "my hair looks great. It looks even and long. Hooray."

So you know disaster was about to strike.

For five weeks now, I have been doing the paper programs for my church. I am the person who collects announcements, the names of the speakers, the hymns we are going to sing, and then arranges them nicely on paper, makes a hundred copies, and hands them out before church. That is my calling. I love it.

One of the reasons I love my calling is my ability to implement change. instead of giving each family a full sheet of paper folded in half, I have rearranged the program to be a half-sheet of paper, thus reducing the amount of paper used and saving a few trees in the process. I'll save the details for another post. The point is, for five weeks now, I have printed off the copies and then used the church's huge paper cutter (those things were you lay the stack of papers down, and then pull the blade down, leaving a straight, clean cut through your stack of papers) to cut the papers in half.

Today I used that paper cutter again. It can't handle fifty papers at once, so I do five stacks of ten. While I was doing this, I moved the cut papers off the paper cutter and placed new papers on, when I noticed a lock of hair on the side. I thought "Huh. strange. I wonder who's hair that...oh no."

Somehow, a thick strand of my hair had managed to sneak under the blade without me realizing it. It cut off about four inches. Of my hair. MY HAIR. So now I have a chunk of hair missing. I can either try to hide it everyday, or cut the rest of my hair by four inches.

Not cool, paper cutter. Not cool.

I Told the Elephants to Forget It, But They Can't. The Cheetahs are Hard Up, But I Always Say, Cheetahs Never Prosper

Yesterday we went on a walk. When it came time to cross the street we had to wait, not for cars, but for this:


Okay, okay. So the walk was in a zoo, not just out in the town, but still, that is so cool!!

It's Like He's Doing His Crazy Boot Stomp Dance Every Night.

I've been renting my housing for a while now.

I've rented a room in the dorms. I've rented a room shared by five other girls, one of which was a crazy, OCD, psychopath. I've rented an apartment with no heat and holes in the walls that let the sun shine through and holes in the porch that threatened to capture you every time I left for work.

When Drek and I were first married we lived in a tiny apartment with no water pressure and a broken bathroom sink. It had no parking and you could easily hear the neighbor's conversation. It was actually a great place to live: waking up every morning to the sound a the next-door rooster, super-cheap rent. I'm grateful we lived there, but also grateful we moved.

We moved to the next town over, where we rented a delightful townhouse that had no yard, and a horrible heating/cooling system. It was too expensive, too big, and looking back, we really shouldn't have bought a washer and dryer, but I'm so grateful we lived there. We had awesome neighbors, lots of space and that is where my LO was born.

Next is was off to Burgville, where we rented what I now refer to as our "luxary apartment." Three bedrooms , two bathrooms, a garage, and by far the largest place we've lived. The basement neighbors were the best neighbors ever and it was heated by radient flooring, which is pure genius if you ask me. We didn't live there long, and the landlords were dirty rotten crooks, but I loved living there.

We currently live in our smallest apartment ever, square footage wise. It's also the most expensive, rent-wise. It's two bedrooms and two bathrooms with the smallest kitchen I've ever seen, let alone used. It's infested with ants, has no lights and no functioning electrical outlets. There aren't washer and dryer hookups, the sun can't find it's way inside, our house shakes when our neighbor watches a movie with surround-sound, and the upstairs neighbors are boot-stomping screamers with a dog that won't shut-up. And yet, the location is unbeatable. It's next door to a park, around the corner form a grocery store and the plants smell so good that whenever you walk down the sidewalk you think the air itself is perfumed. We have access to a grill, a swimming pool and a hot tub, our ward is awesome, landlords know us by name, are in love with Ash and are always friendly and helpful. I'm grateful we live here.

And yet, I am hoping for a bit more. I would like to stop renting. I would like to own. It's time to move into our very own house.

After six months of looking, I've found it: our perfect home. I'm not sure we can get it, but I want it.

I've never owned a house before. Any tips? Does anyone have any home buying/home owning advice?

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin

I love my CSA box. I love it because it's organic, local, and fresh. I love it because the fruit, vegetables and herbs taste better and are more nutritious than store produce. But here is the big reason I love my CSA box:

Last week in our box we got a bag full or oranges. Three or four small ones and three or four big ones. I put them in the fridge and forgot about them. This week we got another bag full or oranges, so I decided that since we had so many, we should have fresh squeezed orange juice for breakfast. I got out my juicer, sliced the big oranges in half, and then cut into a smaller orange. This is what I saw:
I paused. Is it a grapefruit? I tasted it. No, it's very much an orange. This must be a blood orange! I have heard of them, but never seen one. And now I have around eight blood oranges sitting on my counter. So for breakfast we had juice that was half orange, half blood orange. Today we had the same thing. It tasted AMAZING. I'm sure a lot of that is due to the fact that it was fresh squeezed and organic, but I'm also blaming it on the blood oranges. They taste sweeter. Also, they look really cool. I think I want to plant a blood orange tree now.
See? Without my CSA box, I never would have known how much I love blood oranges. So great.

Dude, This Thing Claims I Have Mail. It's Amazing What We Can Do With Computers These Days. Dude, Now I'm Totally Reading It

Today at church, instead of having our normal meetings, the Bishop gave a lecture on the new church websites. The church has completely re-done the LDS.org website and has introduced the new Mormon.org website, so the Bishop took us on a brief tour of these sites and their awesomeness. I was so excited he did this. Have I mentioned I love my Bishop? I do. He gives great lessons.

Anyway, I was so excited he did this because I had not yet had time to play with these websites, and had yet to unlock their potential. Did you know that on the new website you can download complete audio files of the scriptures for your ipod or smatphone? Did you know you can access the Friend online and play cute and educational games? Did you know you can find out what the Humanitarian Aid is doing and how you can help? Did you know you can search through a massive database and find a mormon who is your same gender, age, race, has the same interests, or has been in a similar situation, and find out about that person's life, opinions and testimony? That means I can instantly find other vegetarian mormons and read about they deal with ridiculous relief society lessons. Oh, I love it.

One of my favorite things is the ability to log in. If you log in, and you're a church member, you can access an online ward directory. That means three things: Since it's online, you don't have to keep the paper ward directory around to clutter up your house. You can instantly get the phone number of someone new to the ward, or updated information if someone just changed callings or their phone number, and the church is going to stop printing paper directories to save trees! Isn't that wonderful?!

It was a great meeting. I think my favorite part was when the bishop showed off the page for teenagers and talked about how is has a lot of youtube videos, and then went on to explain that "YouTube is a video sharing service where you can upload videos and watch videos made by others." I giggled. Sometimes I forget that some people have never used Youtube, or Google, or (gasp) Blogger.

A Bug! A Bug! What is is Lavender? A BUG!

I love Sunland. On a day when the rest of the United States is under snow, we decided to go to the tidepools in our awesome eighty degree weather.

It was a perfect day to go. The tide was lower was lower than usual and we found some pretty neat stuff. The first thing we found was a family of HUGE starfish:

The smallest on was bigger than my hand. They were big!

Drek found a big beautiful conch shell, which was home to a giant sea slug. We decided to let it live in peace.

And then we found this:
It's an octopus! We found an octopus! It was so cool! We snapped a few pictures and then it slipped of the Frisbee (great octopus catchers) and went home.

Tea and Coffee and Tobacco they Despise. Drink No Liquor and They Eat But a Very Little Meat They Are Striving to be Great and Good and Wise

I attended our Relief Society meeting on Wednesday. The theme was "New Year, New You" and promised to be about eating healthy, exercise and my favorite topic: The Word of Wisdom.

I have learned my lesson. Really. From now on, when there is a ward function involving the Word of Wisdom, I promise not to attend. It just makes me upset and no one wins.

Let me set the scene for you:

This is a church activity so we are meeting in the church. Around twenty to thirty women, ages eighteen to really, really old, are sitting around the gym at various dinner tables, eating a delicious pot luck of salads, fruit and rolls. There are a few children, but not many. A few women have an infant in their arms. There are no males in the whole room. Let me emphasize that: This is a girls only activity. No boys were invited, no boys came. This activity is geared toward women. By women, for women, about women.

The night started out with a lecture from a nurse. She stands up in front with a microphone, explains that women need to value their health and then starts off on her topic. Her topic is Testicular Cancer.

Actual quote: "I've seen boys come in the balls as hard as rocks and I'm like: really? You didn't notice there was something wrong? Just like girls are supposed to do monthly self breast exams, boys should do monthly self...well, you know. They should check!"

Oh. My. Goodness.

She finished her topic (after briefly discussing Prostate Cancer. Why?!) and another girl got up to discuss healthy eating habits. She informed us that protein is very important and we all need more protein.

Actual quote: "Chicken is the best source of protein. I've learned to put chicken on everything! Put it on sandwiches, in pasta, in salads, in soups...anything you make with no meat needs to have some chicken! It's healthy!"

And that's about where I vowed never to underestimate the stupidity of humans. That is also about where I zoned out and gave all my attention to Ash.

No one even mentioned the Word of Wisdom. Not surprising since that second speaker has apparently never read it. That's okay. Neither has most of the church.

Pretty Please? The Physical Appearance of the Please Makes No Difference

Rissy got off her mission today. I can't express how much I've missed her.

Of course, since I don't live in Hometown anymore, I couldn't be at the airport when she arrived. In September it occurred to me that since she was over seas, she could potentially have a layover at an airport within driving distance. This was very exciting, and I decided I would get a hold of her travel plans so I could meet her at the airport. I wanted her to meet Ash. And I wanted to see her again.

I did get a hold of her travel plans and she did, indeed, have a layover at an airport within driving distance, but by the time her plane landed her connecting flight was already boarding. She would have to run across the airport if she wanted to make her flight. There was no way she could even wave through a window, let alone go out of security, meet Ash, and then go through Security again. Besides, I didn't want to make her go through a Backscatter machine and extra time. I called the airport to ask if I could go through security without a ticket. The answer was no. It wouldn't matter how nicely I asked, the TSA would not let me go through security to run her to the connecting flight.

She landed at the airport today. Less than three hours away and I wasn't there. As it turns out she missed her flight, so she waited with nothing to do in the airport for almost an hour. Gah! Why wasn't I there?! Why?!

She called me when she got home. It was good to hear her voice. We're already making travel plans. I can't wait to see her.

I've Got It! Let's Flap Over to the East Side of the Jungle. They've Always Got a Bit of Action, a Bit of a Swingin' Scene, All Right

Today we went to the zoo! We went early, which was awesome, because there was so few people which meant that all the zoo employees talked to us so we got the inside scoop of the animals. Like that the oldest Galapagos Tortoise is around one-hundred-seventy-five years old, and the baby is a girl and only ten years old.

After we were done with the tortoises, we walked along a back path. Coming around the corner I saw a zoo worker walking a beautiful golden retriever. Following behind her was another zoo employee, holding a leash. Her leash was attached to a creature I couldn't fully see, because it had no yet come around the corner, but I could tell it was HUGE. I watched it and my eyes nearly bugged out when it came into view.

"That is not a dog." I said aloud. The zoo workers chuckled and said "No, This one is a dog, but this one is an adult male Timberline Wolf. "

Out for a stroll. On a leash. Sniffing the ground just like any other dog. Right in front of me. I mean, RIGHT in front of me. The wolf came about a foot away from where we were standing. He sniffed Ash and then happily went on his merry way. I asked if I could pet him, but the zoo works said that the public can never touch the wolves.

You Think You're Pretty Smart, Don't You, Trebek. What With Your Diego Mustache And Your Greasy Hair. Look, What Did I Just Say About Racial Slurs?

We don't own a TV or a gaming system, so I have to find other ways to amuse myself. Today during Ash's naptime, I decided some good entertainment would be to call my Health Insurance (Company A) and ask why they are sending me "Final Notice" bills when we're set up for automatic payment.

I am on hold for twenty minutes before I decide to get online and see if I can figure it out that way. I called them through Google (did you know you can make free calls from Google? I do most customer service calls through them so they can keep me on hold forever and it doesn't eat up my cell phone minutes. I love Google) so I open a new window and find their website. First I have to create an account, then I have to log on. After that is done, I see that our detectable has been changed, but I can't see how. I also see me and Ash, but not Drek. And then I say "pay bill" so I pay our bill and then start an email to Company A (since they won't answer their phone) asking if Drek is covered because I can't see him, how are deductible has changed, and since they don't pay for well baby visits, how do I let them know that I paid for a well baby visit so it can count toward our deductible?

While I am writing that last part, I decide I need to be more specific, so I look up the date Ash had her well baby visit. I also want to add the amount I paid, but I can't find the receipt. I paid with our HSA (Health Savings Account) debit card, so I think that all the information will be online. I got to the HSA website, and realize I have to create yet another account. This one is not so easy. I don't know the information they are asking for so I have to call them too.

I am on hold with Company A through Google. I am on my cell phone with Company B. I am on Company A's website and am trying to log on to Company B's website. Entertaining, no?

Anyway, Company B says they can't tell me that information, but they can tell me where to find it, so I go digging through files and find the paper with answer to their question. I set the paper down in front of the computer. As I about to type it in, Company A FINALLY answers the phone! I have been on hold for thirty two minutes. I ask them my questions. They say Drek is over eighteen, So I'm not allowed to see him when I log on , but he is still covered, they say the new Healthcare bill changed the deductible and they said that when that happened, all automatic payment information was lost. I ask about the Well Baby visits and she informs me that under the new Healthcare bill, they will pay for all of Ash's Well Baby visits from now on. I am stunned. I ask her to double check, so she does. She checks my doctor and my plan and assures my that they will pay from now on. Wonderful!!

I thank her, hang up the phone, and then realize I've already started this account with Company B, so I might as well finish. I enter the answer, hit continue, and it gives me a crazy error message. I call Company B again, and the girl says she can help if I verify my address. I give her our address in SunLand. She pauses, and then asks if there is another address. I give her our address in Burgville, thinking we hadn't updated it. She says that's not it either. I give her our HomeTown address, that is also incorrect, but she says the state is right. I give her my parent's address, thinking I used that as a mailing address four years ago, she says that's not it. I ask her if it's the first address Drek and I lived after we were married. She asks what that address is and I can't answer because I have forgotten it. I remember the street, but she says she can't say yes or no unless I give the full address. So I go online to Google maps, type in the street, find the house, and look at street view. I zoom in to the address on the curb, give it to her, and she laughs and says no, that's not it either. I am baffled. She thinks I am am traveling vagrant and points out that we've only had this account for three years. Yeah. I move a lot.

And then I look down at the paper in front of me. On the top it is addressed to Drek and has his parent's address. I ask if that address is correct. She says that the address is, in fact, correct. Hooray! I win! It was right in front of me all along.

I don't need to watch game shows on TV, I create them for myself with customer service calls! Today on K La's Customer Service Calls, K La won two online accounts and free Well Baby visits! Join us next time on K La's Customer Service Calls!

I Shall Call Him Squishy. And He Shall Be Mine. And He Shall be My Squishy

I love Sunland. Last week we were freezing to death and slipping all over the ice-covered roads in Hometown, but this week we are walking barefoot on the beach and dipping our toes into the water. And my, was it beautiful:


We went to see some tidepools! Drek found a website telling us the the tides and the best time to go, so we went! There were all sorts of creatures and crazy rock formations. This was the most abundant creature. I have no idea what it is. If I had to name it, I would call it the Sea Gush. The video explains why. Any one else have a guess?

And we saw a crab! So I give you another video:

I held the shell that Drek gave me in the palm of my hand as we walked down the beach. Suddenly I felt a strange tickling. The shell was alive! There was something coming out of it! IN MY HAND!! I screamed and dropped it and Drek laughed at me.

And that is why I love SunLand.

The Moment You Set Foot on That Casino Floor, They'll be Watching You Like Hawks. Hawks With Video Cameras

I'm not thrilled about the heightened airport security. I already think the TSA is not only useless, but a complete joke, so the fact they are spending MILLIONS of taxpayers money on new machines that no one wants and they've admitted won't keep us safer, makes me mad.

I'm a little worried about the radiation, I'm a little worried about my naked X-ray picture ending up on the internets or on the iphone of some perverted, lonely TSA worker. I'm even more worried about voicing these concerns in the security line because I am very opposed to a TSA agent sticking their hands down my pants.

So, once the announcement was made that every airport would have a Backscatter X-ray or a Millimeter Wave Scanner I did a little research. I looked up a list of which airports had which machines and purchased tickets based on that information. For instance: There is a small airport here in Sunland that does not have either machine. They are not the closest airport to us, but that's where we decided to fly from. I also discovered that the HomeTown airport only has a Millimeter Wave Scanner in one terminal, meaning as long as I didn't fly Delta, I was safe.

And thus, I purchased tickets for us to fly to HomeTown for Christmas. I admit, I was really hoping it wouldn't be an issue. I was hoping "National Opt Out Day" would get some attention and by the time I flew in December, the machines would be ancient history.

That's not how it played out. The security at the Sunland airport was fine. Not a Backscatter X-ray or a Millimeter Wave Scanner was in sight and all the agents were polite and professional. We arrived in the HomeTown airport without being blown up, but as I walked passed security I stopped dead: people going through security were being ushered through a very big and expensive looking machine.

"Is that a Backscatter?" I asked the TSA agent in charge of making sure people did not go in the exit.

"No, it's a Millimeter Wave. We just got it yesterday. Pretty cool, huh?" She said.

My mouth fell open. But, I did research! I drove farther than I had to! I didn't fly Delta! I'm not supposed to even see one of those machines! But I just nodded, not sure how anyone could think that it was "cool". There are multiple security lines in the HomeTown airport and only one Millimeter Wave, so maybe I could avoid it anyway.

Thus, I was a little anxious about flying home. We had an early flight, so Drek and I wanted to get there just an hour early, instead of ninety minutes early. We knew we could do this if we checked in online. The night before Drek got online and checked himself in, then turned the computer over to me. I went through the link, but when I entered my name it took me to a screen informing me that the TSA had flagged my lap infant as a possible terrorist and they needed additional information about her.

Really? I'm not flagged but my daughter is? Really?

So I entered her full name and date of birth. Except when I got to the year she was born, the drop-down menu only had two choices: 2010 and 2011.

Seriously? Because four day olds are known terrorists? Where was the 2009 choice? Drek looked it over and decided the programmer must have thought that since lap infants are two years old or younger, he would only put two year choices. And clearly it's more likely that my child would be born in the last four days, than in the entire three hundred and sixty one day span of 2009.

I tried entering her birthday as 2010, but it said what we entered didn't match their records (of course) and to see a flight agent immediately. I called my airline and explained the problem. The girl tried to override the system, it didn't work. She tried to give me 2009 as an option; it didn't work. So she tried changing my daughter's birthday to 2010 so the records would match. This only succeeded in having us red flagged. Great.

We got to the airport the next morning (an hour early. I was not going to get up at four in the morning because some web programmer is a moron) and to my dismay I realized that all the security lines had brand new Millimeter Wave Scanners. However, I also noticed that one of the machines had orange cones in the entrance, and no one was being ushered inside. Hah! Less than three weeks old and already broken. So we went through that line.

They did not pull Ash aside and they did not pat us down. In fact, besides the fact that one of the TSA agents was a complete jerk, it was business as usual in the security line. Still, I don't think we will be flying anywhere anytime soon. The entire situation is one I want to avoid.

What Can it Be? We're All Doomed! Who's Flying This Thing!? Oh Right, That Would Be Me. Back to Work

Today we drove the wrong direction on the freeway. It was super exciting.

Drek is driving down the freeway in Hometown. I am in the backseat, entertaining the baby, who is in her carseat. We are all wearing seat belts. The truck in front of us changes lanes, revealing that the cars in front of us are stopped. Drek slams on the brakes, I gasp and pray we can stop and aren't hit from behind. Ash takes another bite of her snack.

We do stop, we aren't hit from behind, and by now, no one is moving. We just passed an exit a quarter of a mile ago. We are in the right most lane, about five feet from the on ramp where, further up, cars are also at a standstill.

We turn on the radio and hear that there is a nasty multiple car accident, all lanes are blocked, emergency vehicles can't get to the scene and "avoid that part of the freeway because you can't get through, period." Oh noes.

We wait. A car passes us on the on ramp and has to stop. Another minutes passes. Another car comes and has to stop. A few more minutes pass and a brown station wagon and a green bug drive down the on ramp and stop behind the line of cars. The driver of the green bug looks at the freeway: all lanes blocked, no one moving, and looks behind him: the on ramp is all clear. He then puts his car in reverse and slowly drives back the way he came, going around a corner and everything. Drek mentions he was just thinking the same thing. I reply that it is too dangerous and we aren't in a hurry. Drek replies that we might run out of food and water. I look at Ash. She gobbles up the rest of her snack.

A minute passes. The brown station wagon goes into reverse and follows the green bug. The truck behind us does a U-turn on to the onramp. His truck is now driving forward, following the brown station wagon as they go the wrong direction on the freeway. He is followed by two more cars in reverce.

Drek decides to be bold. Despite my protests he follows the example of the truck: flipping a U-turn onto the on ramp. We are now in a very slow moving line of cars, some going forward like us, some going in reverse, exiting the freeway using an on ramp. Yes, it was terrifying. Surprisingly I was not afraid of getting hurt, I was afraid a cop would give us a ticket. I am so screwed up.

We turn the corner and flip another U-turn so we are now facing the correct direction in a correct lane. We drive over the freeway to take the back roads to our destination. As we drive over the on ramp we had just used as an off ramp, we see a very long line of cars following our example.

The cars that are unaware of the accident or the traffic jam and are trying to get on the on ramp have stopped in the wake of the dozens of cars facing both directions, trying to get off the on ramp. I giggled as I thought of what they must be thinking: "Wait, are we in the wrong lane, or are they? Are they all drunk? Are zombies attacking?"